A oto ostatni wpis poświęcony opisywaniu narcyzów, a także po trochu i psychopatów, socjopatów, itp. Jest on skupiony w szczególności na tym, co robić i czego z nimi nie robić… Potraktuj tę całą serię wpisów, jako taki dłuższy wstęp i konieczne przygotowanie do tego, co zapowiedziałem już wcześniej tu i tu…
https://translate.google.co.uk/?sl=en&tl=pl&text=authenticity&op=translate
Definitions of authenticity: the quality of being authentic.
https://sjp.pwn.pl/slowniki/autentyczno%C5%9B%C4%87.html
autentyczność
autentyczny
1. «zgodny z rzeczywistością»
2. «niebędący kopią, falsyfikatem ani przeróbką»
3. «szczery, niekłamany, prawdziwy»
4. «niewątpliwy, wielki, prawdziwy – używane dla podkreślenia jakiejś cechy»
Synonimy
https://sjp.pwn.pl/slowniki/prawdziwo%C5%9B%C4%87.html
prawdziwość
prawdziwy
1. «zgodny z rzeczywistością, z prawdą»
2. «autentyczny, niesfałszowany»
3. «taki jak zwykle bywa, typowy; też: mający cechy osoby, stanu, przedmiotu, do których jest porównywany»
Synonimy
When narcissism meets authenticity
DoctorRamani
2,505,269 views Jan 4, 2021
Oasis of Change
When narcissists meet people who are honest about their thoughts and feelings, they have to make the authentic person think they are overreacting to their abuse.
Anthony Howden
Facts!!! I love that “why are you yelling?” Or “why are you so angry?” As a means to try to emotionally control you!!! My authentic ass will keep flashing that mirror of truth on them.
Ara Jo
Oh yes. And when you’re honest and living according to ur principles, you’re accused of over thinking, or when you’re upset bcoz of what they did, then u r over reacting and jumping to conclusions. They know they’re being selfish but they refuse to change things to be fair to you because you’re not important to them. Their number one priority is they, themselves even if you went out of your way to make them a priority. You don’t matter to them. That is not a friendship or a relationship. That is you bring used and gaslight. Well, screw them.
Speaking your truth to the narcissist
DoctorRamani
224,296 views Apr 19, 2021
Narc Survivor
You can try to speak your truth to the narcissist, but they’re not going to hear you. They’re just going to wait until you finish speaking.
Richard Wilson
You are dealing with a child when dealing with the narcissist. In their mind they are never wrong and you are never fair.
Kieran Turan
Definitely this is the endgame – the final act. For myself, I didn’t have anything rehearsed, I just wanted to see her one last time and honor the love I had felt. But the person I saw on that last meeting was cruel, ugly and spiteful, like jekyll and hyde. Although it was horrible to see things turn like that, it also gave me an impossible-to-deny closure. I could never unsee what I saw that day. I could finally walk away.
Jax van Heerden
When I told one of my exes I was finally leaving. She just continued to rearrange shit in her car boot with her back turned towards me. I was like, I mean it, I’m out of here, and she just continued what she was doing. Went through the same realisation you went through and have never looked back 😄
When narcissists know YOU know…
DoctorRamani
3.4M views 1 year ago
poop deville
These videos saved my life 2 years ago. They gave me the courage to go through the high stakes process of finding a way to get away from her. I just had a flashback last week and have been reliving the emotions of that time and reviewing these is such a huge help in reminding myself I made the right decision and how much better things are now that they are gone.
Jaden Fox
Wow! I’ve never heard someone speak so openly and CLEARLY about what actually is going on inside a narcissist’s head! It’s obvious you are a survivor who has stood up to reveal and break this twisted pattern! My hat’s off to you Dr. Ramani. GREAT WORK!!! THANK YOU for breaking the pattern of silence and having the courage to change the world with your authentic sharing! 🙏
Six Actions That Instantly Trigger a Narcissist
Exposing the Narcissist with Clarice
81,878 views Mar 8, 2023
In this video, we’ll go over six actions that will instantly set off a Narcissistic person. These actions will make them act out in a way that you never thought possible, and you’ll be able to see just how destructive a relationship with a Narcissist can be. Here are 6 Things that anger the Narcissist.
00:00 Introduction
01:06 You Can’t Tell Them Nothing
02:23 Did you say No?
03:28 It Wasn’t Me
04:49 I was joking
05:26 A Hard Pill to Swallow
06:06 Can’t You See Me?
Missybelle
Spot on!! The level of hypocrisy of narcs is unmeasurable. When I’d point out to my ex Narc the multiple ways he’s hypocritical with me he’d simply respond “go find better.” Or, “don’t deal with me.” He’d NEVER take accountability or put effort towards improvement.
Natalie Myers
Omg. I’ve heard these exact words for the last 20 years. Still stuck in this toxic merry go round. Pure insanity
The Best Way To Defeat The Narcissist
Exposing the Narcissist with Clarice
18,491 views Jul 31, 2022
Race Bannon
The only way to win with a Narcissist is not to play. Leave quietly. No Contact. If you have children with them and have to interact with the Narcissist, become a gray rock. Share no information with a Narcissist, they will use it against you. Narcissists are obsessed with getting one or two up up on you and want you to participate in their tormenting evil games. Narcissists will retaliate if you end the relationship before they are ready. Be prepared for the worse.
Samuel Surbrook
Clarice, your videos are so spot on. I like what you said about the best revenge against the narcissist. The best revenge is no contact and to just stay away from them and live your best life without them. Thank you my friend 😊😍.
Eternal Beauty Forever LLC
Im Definitely A Lot HAPPIER Now I free from the demon
7 Things That Frighten Narcissists To Their Core
RICHARD GRANNON
265,413 views Premiered Jan 12, 2023 #Abuse #RichardGrannon #Narcissist
Narcissistic Mortification; After watching this video you will walk away with tactical tools that will instill fear in the Narcissist, These tips and tools discussed will ultimately tip the balance in your favor and most importantly move you towards healing once and for all.
Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
00:41 | Tactic 1 – Defy the all-important image
01:24 | Tactic 2 – Operate outside the fixed view
04:01 | Tactic 3 – Reverse Uno Card
07:00 | UNPLUG FROM THE MATRIX
07:24 | Tactic 4 – Point out their mistakes
07:46 | Tactic 5 – Stop offering them supply
11:31 | Tactic 6 – Get on with your life
13:56 | Tactic 7 – Adult and Individuate
Celt_Downunder
“Devalue and Discard’ that’s what I did and he stalked me for months. He couldn’t bear the humiliation of being left and being insignificant. Well said Richard. You have taken me from broken to rising from the ashes as a proud empath. Thank you. 🙏❤
becca harrison
My ex is a narcissist & the day he realized I was not only done with him but I was indifferent towards him was priceless…I’ll never forget the look on his face & tone of his voice…🥰🥰🥰
Alex Tomlinson
Let me guess. He turned into a child
Tonya Whitehead
The Narcissistic rage is no joke. I have been getting attacked almost daily for catching him red handed cheating and therefore proving cheating. I have NEVER seen or experienced anything like this before in my life. It’s pure evil HELL!
Combat Narcissism: How To Test For Narcissism And How To Fight Back
RICHARD GRANNON
476,993 views Premiered Oct 9, 2021
0:00 – intro to combatting narcissism
0:55 – how to test for narcissism
2:55 – smiling no test for narcissism
4:56 – the mirror test (dangerous)
5:58 – observe the emotional intensity of narcissist
7:12 – synopsis of 4 step test strategy
8:39 – whats in room 101?
10:44 how to combat narcissist
12:01 dont EVER let them do this!
14:49 golden rule with narcissists
16:00 value system as a shield
17:29 the value congruence narcissism check
Nina Lallement
Telling them no, or just doing what YOU want are the best test, hands down. They will react – be in name calling, gaslighting, yelling, or silent treatment.
Jo Leslie Whitten
When you see the red flags, plan quietly and run! Never tell them you are leaving—they are DANGEROUS.
M.C. Blackwell
„If you don’t insist on your values, then someone will come along and impose their anti-values on you ” I am memorizing that incredible quote
You MUST Know THIS to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
RICHARD GRANNON
315,094 views Premiered Dec 22, 2022 #cptsd #npd #narcissist
Do you want to heal completely from Narcissistic abuse? It’s not just about going „Grey rock” and then „no contact”. Narcissistic Abuse is a lot like an infection that seeps in and stays with you even after you leave the relationship.
Watch the video to find out more about true complete healing with a breakthrough model inspired by the work of Dr. Sam Vaknin
Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
00:11 | What happens if you don’t know this material
00:57 | The New Model „Dual Mothership”
01:36 | What happens in the „Dual Mothership” Model
08:02 | You become more Narcissistic
13:42 | Why is it called the „Dual Mothership” Model?
15:07 | After you Break up with the Narcissist
19:44 | „I already did the work! Why am I not healing?!”
20:39 | Unplugging from the Matrix of Narcissistic Abuse
ragingphoinix
I was never as anxious, jealous, insecure, unstable, confused, restless as I was when I was with him. I’ve been cheated on before but there was a finality to it all. A narcisstic relationship is different. It literally takes your entire being.
Stef5779
I lost my whole life i lost my personality my spirit. It’s taken 9 years to be not anxious on a daily basis.
mimi87
God bless you Richard Grannon these wise insights will help me face the narcissistic victimization I’ve experienced my whole life and I can begin healing!
Lisamarie Smith
It’s incredible how deep their disfunction and cruelty runs. What a nightmare for those of us that loved who we thought they were.
Rick Russell
Well said my friend … and so true..
Stepfanie Hawkins
Realizing I was in love with someone that didn’t exist was the worst.
Deana R Jones
This is the best explanation I’ve heard yet. And exactly where I’ve been in the prolonged grief that I’ve been clawing my way out of physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. A covert is much more damaging than an overt.
Kitty Kat
Totally agree… I’m not even sure how to recover some of the things I once had in all 4 categories
Mary Wairimu
i can’t agree more . They can literally push you to an early grave,
xxxMixedGenreFavs
Right. The covert ones are more venomous. Knowing is half the battle. When you know an overt, you can maneuver better around them. But with the covert you wouldn’t know as they plot your demise.
Deana R Jones
@Kitty Kat just start from where you are. Somethings will never be the same, and that’s okay. It’s not always restoration, repair, rebuild. It can be starting from scratch, new construction, different paths, and new behaviors.
Christiana Bonelli Smith
I think maybe this sounds like my adult child mother whom I was the enabler and the caregiver in who’s that fusion and the pushing me away and even abandoning as she had been neglected and abandoned by her mother. But then I married one two. And I had four children with him and now a grandmother. Only I know I have been an empath most my life and very strong as a result of having to have been while also financially ruined by both relationships and the years of tactics a NARSSIST will use, giving up or having taken from me any dreams, goals, career moves and stuff I wanted. Our children are his children as he very ABUSIVELY used my children to hurt me.
Gwendolyn
I totally agree…it’s a very slow drip but the damage is heartbreaking.
M Walker
Those covert types are usually respected in the community, have affluent jobs, have a 500 dollar vocabulary, and help the old lady across the street. Usually, when sharing with people the abuse, you are not believed. That is a rough one. I’m glad you survived.❤ My narc was a fing stupid 🍑. He wasn’t suffocated enough to wear his mask, but for a week. 😂
SKRiBH 
Covert Narcissists: Wolves In Sheep’s Clothing. Cloaked Narcissists. Pretend Codependents.
Ross Rosenberg
168,526 views Feb 5, 2019 #covertnarcissist #covertnarcissism
This is a re-edited version of the video that was published on YouTube November 21, 2013. Before taking it down, it had more than 493,000 views.
RAbuff
I think the worst part about being with a covert narc is that if you stay silent you feed their power. If you talk about it, you are the one that appears crazy. There is no win for the victim.
Wandering Free
The villian plays the victim so well.
Sara Quay
They will „make you believe that you were wrong in your judgement” rather than accepting responsibility. Thank you so much for this enlightenment…
Gathering Moss
When people would say, „Your husband is such a nice man.” I would agree with them, because I was programmed to protect him at all cost, but in my head I would think, „To everyone, but me.”
Diamond Gold
Straight a Pure Demon Monster Devil at Home…..
Covert Narcissism Is The Lethal Combination of NPD & ASPD (Sociopathy).
Ross Rosenberg
27,113 views Premiered Jun 28, 2022 #childhoodtrauma #innerchild #covertnarcissist
This video is an excerpt from a full-length episode of The Covert Narcissism podcast with Renee Swanson. Listen to it here: 👉 bit.do/covert-narc-podcast
After his last YouTube video on covert narcissism reached 3 million views on YouTube, Ross Rosenberg decided to create an updated explanation of covert narcissism. In this video, Ross dives deep into the mind of a covert narcissist and delivers an explanation of the personality disorders associated with covert narcissism.
This is crucial information for anyone, including Self-Love Deficients/Codependents, suffering at the hands of a covert narcissist. This knowledge will help the victim have a deeper understanding of this mental health problem which stems from childhood trauma and abandonment issues, which will help them “prepare for the narcissistic storm” when unmasking their covert narcissist partner.
Stay tuned for Part Two, where Ross explains the tricks that covert narcissists use to manipulate their victims into believing they will change to restore the relationship, which is an empty promise that they never follow through with.
ROSS ROSENBERG BIOGRAPHY
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross’s pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.
Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.
His global impact is best illustrated by his 22 million viewed/240,000 subscribed YouTube channel and the sale of 150,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.
In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.
Flowers of the field 🌻
Coverts are there most dangerous of all the predators who walk among us ….. Ruthless and highly cunning.
Dominic S
Got that right. No remorse or empathy whatsoever …
Breakthrough Moment
The coverts are relentless in their effort to destroy their victims. Thank you for validating what I already suspected about my covert narcissistic mother.
Be Taylor
It seems to be their justification for being alive…😭They are nothing but terrorist. Thankful you are alive and sharing…🕊💕
Purple Turtle
@Be Taylor I believe a covert narc would love being called/known as an emotional terrorist; that label in private would be the highlight of their life, as it is the only reason for their existence (in their sick minds).
Covert Narcissist’s „Humanization Trick” / Their Hidden Inner Darkness.
6,055 views Premiered Jul 14, 2022 #childhoodtrauma #innerchild #covertnarcissism
Watch Part One: The Lethal Combination of NPD and ASPD (Sociopathy).
In this video, Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, gives the audience an inside look into the mind of a Covert Narcissist. Despite their overexaggerating of self-love, the covert narcissist actually severely lacks self-love, and often lives a life of self-hate and dissociation. Rarely, but sometimes, a „window” opens up where the narcissist shows their true self. This is often accompanied by a desperate display of emotions, such as crying, begging, making empty promises, etc. Ross has coined this as the „Humanization Trick.”
This video is an excerpt from a full-length episode of The Covert Narcissism podcast with Renee Swanson.
Listen to it here: bit.do/covert-narc-podcast
Kimberly McCracken
Not always the case. My parents are about the worst narcs I have known, but neither had serious childhood trauma – nothing like what they inflicted on their own children. Neither have true remorse, but I saw my Father cry once after he almost killed us all. I remember comforting him – I was nine years old. I realize now that he was crying for himself not for what he did.
JC
I thought the same about my father. The terrorism he did with his family was far beyond the terrorism he suffer from his family of origin I believed, but just after I got much older I discovered that his mom, my grandmother was in a mental hospital once, she was physically and psychologically violent with her children and she also was abused by her parents, although the rash parenting style was considered as something “normal” for their time. I do believe trauma is transgenerational when not recognised and treated.
Amanda K
Same father. The best explanation of their reasoning is this: some narcissists are really so jealous and insecure that they ON PURPOSE give their own children a worse childhood than they had themselves… just to have that „one up” on their kids.
WHY COVERT NARCISSISTS ARE DANGEROUS
Rebecca Zung
381K views 3 years ago
Active41.41
The covert narcissist are the most disguised predators ever imaginable. I thought I knew all kinds of personalities until I met one of these people. I’m never easily fooled my anyone but this person knocked me for 6 when I discovered they were not the kind of person I thought they were. A lovely friendly, kind, respectful person as I thought for several years turned out to be a total fake. Not only fake but borderline evil and so manipulative and a thief aswell. I haven’t got over the shock almost 3 years later.
violetgypsie
Don’t engage. Don’t get into an argument with them. Don’t react. Be polite and to the point if you have to speak to them. Ignore their attempts to push your buttons. You are a transaction to them, treat them the same, like you are speaking to a clerk in a store. Polite, but not invested in the relationship.
Dana D. Hines, PhD, RN
Perfectly describes my ex CN! Always the victim, always misunderstood, never accountable, extremely sensitive, intentionally vague, and always lying by omission.
bonzbeasty
The words „not worthy” really hit home for me. The abuse is soooo subtle, and if you try to bring it to light to others, you end up sounding quite crazy. It is isolating and you end up having to go be on a sort of learning curve as the abuser throws new things at you. In court it is definitely a case of choosing your battles wisely, and letting the narcissistexpose themselves. It takes a sort of savvy that no one should have to learn to have. I managed to get away from the relationship, but I have to co-parent with this person. The amount of mental and emotional strength it takes is exhausting. Thank you for this video because it helps to get through these cycles of abuse! I fear for my daughter, but your videos help me to be strong and to help my 3yo daughter build her own strength agsinst this behavior. I really can’t thank you enough for the tools you give us survivors🙏
Miriam Baza
Because they’re good at playing the victim, appearing innocent, keeping up appearances while they mess with your mind. They don’t seem like a narcissist at first because of their fake friendliness and sweetness. They often present themselves as altruistic when they’re not. And another I overlooked is that they’re indeed good at hiding their manipulation.
PolubieniePolubione przez 1 osoba
When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Counterfeit Relationship.
Ross Rosenberg
3,314,125 views May 31, 2016 #covertnarcissist #covertnarcissism #npd
In this video, Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., CADC explains the very complicated and dangerous undertaking of protecting yourself when you uncover/unmask a covert narcissist and the dysfunctional relationship they trick you into. Because of their manipulative nature and the fact that they are often respected and even adored by others, taking them on directly is a big mistake.
Average Mo
After I found out who they were I made the mistake of calling them a narcissist to their face. It ended in narcissistic RAGE and violence! The best advice is to leave VERY VERY quietly! They actually are some of the most dangerous and evil people alive!😡
Alma Z
Theirs so many different types of narcissist. The malignant narcissist is the most dangerous. They can change into different types of narcissist within minutes. A grandiose narcissist can become malignant in a second. The vulnerable narcissist always feels like the victim and has extremely low self esteem. The vulnerable narcissist is probably the least dangerous. I dealt with two different types of narcs.
Debra Marshall
To some of them that I know that can be very very vindictive and are crazy and dangerous I act like I don’t know that they are Narcissist.
L K
I think the covert is the worst. I’ve dealt with malignant and overts – and always called them out. Made that mistake with a covert – it was insane.
Alphabet Soup
This hit home so hard I almost fell over. It describes my experience precisely to the letter. You can not win. The best advice is in the title ……RUN! Don’t look back. Cut your losses and just RUN.
Unmasking a Covert Narcissist Is Absolutely Dangerous. Just Run!
Ross Rosenberg
23,296 views Premiered Feb 24, 2023 Observe Don’t Absorb & Other Protective Strategies for Narcissistic Absue
In this video, Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, explains why „unmasking” and exposing a covert narcissist should be avoided. This conversation further clarifies his most viewed (3.5 million) video: When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Covert narcissists are the most dangerous of all pathological narcissists.
Covert narcissists perfectly play a savior role who engenders sympathy or respect from unsuspecting people. If someone should attempt to take their mask off or reveal their true motives, there will be hell to pay! Covert narcissists, who often are also gaslighters, will do anything and everything to undermine or cast doubt on the person who attempts to reveal their true identity, reestablishing their altruistic reputation (re-gluing the mask to their face)
Covert narcissists thrive by pretending to be something they are not. They pretend to be altruistic, kind, and codependent. Covert narcissists get what they need out of life by creating a false self. Simultaneously, they hurt people in their most intimate relationships by behaving pathologically narcissistic behind the scenes. When setting boundaries or ending a relationship with a covert narcissist, doing so by exposing their true selves can be very dangerous., as they have an intense fear of abandonment caused by childhood trauma and will do anything they can to crush, discredit and damage the person who is attempting to take that which they have stolen from other people.
NSEasternShoreChemist
If you’re thinking „I’m going to expose the covert narcissist, what’s the worst that can happen?” I’ll warn you: no matter how meek, mild, and demure they appear, if you hurt their ego enough, they can go berserk. Even a small, normally weak person can be extremely dangerous if they’re hell-bent on destroying you and give no regard to their own safety anymore. And yes, I have seen that happen…
mary julian
I unmasked my narcissist ex-husband and he devoured me, ripped me to shreds, destroyed me and his own children. And he’s still not finished with me. I am torn to pieces. I’m literally running for my life.
Kevin Hornbuckle
Very good advice here. Do not confront a narcissist. They do not have the capacity for self-critical insight. Also, there is no ‚getting even’ with these personality disordered people. They will resent you for your ability to set a boundary and get away. They will resent you bitterly for your ability to get away, because they cannot get away from themselves.
Teresa Shinkansen
I have learnt that their pathology can be used against them, when confronting them, to set up a boundary put an argument where their mistakes and wrong doings make them feel there is no true way out and that will make them look bad, this works very well with covert narcissists, they are so caring to preserve the mask that they immediately accept the boundary to cover the crack up, they will invariably try to come back at you in some way but that its still a good step forward in setting boundaries.
Sharon L
Time tells all truths. My NPD ex is having to deal with the consequences of his own making, and I am the one who is happy and at peace. Our children figured him out on their own, and I had learned how to protect their hearts without wrapping them in bubble wrap.
Once you figure out that they all operate from the same playbook, you can figure out what their response will be to whatever boundary you draw. Being able to anticipate their actions gives you power. You really don’t have to participate in their attacks on you. Ignoring their insults gives you power. Eventually you will not be entertaining enough to supply them with fuel & energy, and they will seek that fuel elsewhere. That’s where the real fun begins.
Once I stopped allowing myself to be the source of his fuel, my life got easier and I began to really heal. I don’t have to say anything now to try to expose him. I don’t have to get even with him, I don’t have to defend myself, I don’t have to badmouth him. I’m not scared of him anymore. He exposed himself because I took myself out of the equation & he has to deal with karma now. It took a couple years to really master the art of letting him expose himself, but in the end, my strategy worked and I came out the winner. -Because now I have peace and happiness. Learn how to stop participating in their behavior.
Pretty Nena
Well that is sad because that is why abusers never face consequences 😡
Andre Bey
They do u just don’t get to witness it most of the time!
Seven Seconds
He said that he would kill me if I ever show up again but God, exposing him in front of everyone was just priceless. I regret noting.
WATCH OUT! This will happen if you CALL OUT the narcissist
DoctorRamani
101,040 views Mar 1, 2023
Shreya Mishra
“Their sense of entitlement and arrogance are like cheap cologne, meant to cover up the stink of their insecurity.” Haha, well said, Dr Ramani. Powerful, and true.
jane freeman
Calling out a narcissist is precisely what made me realise I was dealing with someone with a disorder and started the education.
deadprivacy
Indeed. I wonder what sort of person would advise people otherwise? I wonder…dont expose them, dont protect others, dont point out who the manipulative social predators are, now sign up to my „healing” course folks…. Lol
pseudo puppy
@deadprivacy Dr Ramsni isn’t selling any “sign up now” deals.
She’s NEVER said to “not protect / not help others”.
She’s saying to NOT call them out, in order to avoid years of abuse for yourself & those you’re intending to protect, because you called them out.
Calling them out isn’t the biggest problem… it’s the expectation that a narc will care, & that the abuse will stop.
She then gives tips on HOW TO GET OUT OF IT.
You may want to re-view her video, because she’s literally doing the opposite of what you’ve said.
PolubieniePolubienie
5 Mind Games Narcissists Play | Narcissistic Abuse
RICHARD GRANNON
396,222 views Premiered Dec 19, 2022 #RichardGrannon #abuserecovery #narcissism
Are you beginning to come to the realization your partner or someone you are intimately entwined with is a Narcissist? You may be experiencing anguish, anxiety, fear, guilt, and an aching feeling you are becoming a shell of your former self, in this video, I will cover the 5 games that narcissists play in a relationship, and how it affects you and we will even go into deeper detail as to why you feel you are stuck in this situation in the first place – stick around till the end and I will also cover how to fight back and ultimately, leave.
Timestamps:
• 00:00 Intro
• 00:13 | 1. Pretending not to understand
• 01:35 | 2. Deflect & Attack
• 03:13 | 3. Deny & Distract
• 04:46 | 4. Psychic Reading
• 06:09 | 5. Reframing
• 07:31 | What do we notice?
• 08:35 | It’s Time to FIGHT BACK!
• 10:57 | What are we to do?
• 11:47 | 1. Give up Hope & Grieve
• 12:47 | 2. Grey Rock Method
• 13:32 | 3. Stop telling them how you feel
• 15:11 | 4. Come back to you
• 17:40 | Why it’s so hard to give up on them
• 21:37 | 1. Child to Mother
• 21:46 | 2. Mother abandons child
• 23:20 | The solution to all of this
• 24:20 | The Course & Thank You!
Rafal Jot.
The moment you stop giving s$it about whether the relationship works or not, they lose their power to manipulate you.
Robert Hunton
Yeah that’s true in my case grief was what freed me from a narcissist when I was grieving her true colours were revealed a week after my grandmother’s funeral I walked away never looking back I got that „you will never find anyone better than me” speech I checked out when she asked me „is there someone else” she was with me that morning when the doctor told me my grandmother was dying
Debbie Hepler
Exactly. And they hate that.
Variant
This is so true.
laylani
That’s true. However they use that opportunity as well to continue doing things to make sure you feel devalued. They never stop. Best thing is to get rid of them. Period. Purge your home, your life of ALL the trash
Covert Narcissism | 5 Signs to look out for
RICHARD GRANNON
50,260 views Premiered Jan 31, 2023 #bpd #covertnarcissism #narcissist
Covert Narcissism can often feel like it’s hiding in plain sight. You are usually left with feelings of extreme guilt, anguish, and misunderstanding. Covert Narcissists often present as vulnerable or „fragile”
In this video, we go over 5 signs that will lead you to a deeper understanding.
Timestamps:
00:01 | Intro
00:06 | 1. Withdrawn Self Centeredness
01:55 | 2. Extreme Hypersensitivity
03:50 | Unplug From The Matrix Of Narcissistic Abuse
04:13 | 3. Passive Aggressiveness
06:42 | 4. Quick to Exasperation
08:41 | 5. Terrible Friends
10:13 | Unplug From The Matrix Of Narcissistic Abuse
Ceecee1
From having a covert best friend I found her top 5 signs were
1. Victim mentality
2. Constantly put others down
3. Always tried to dominate others to feel secure
4. Moody 99% of the time
5. Didn’t seem to have an adult understanding of empathy, love, morals
I’ll give you another 5 for free
6. Was very paranoid would ask questions in multiple ways to see if you gave same answer
7 jealous of other friendships
8. Materialistic
9. Poor relationship with family
10. She would twist my words and try to convince me the false reality was real
Addam Pushman
11. Constant need for validation
J R
Well done… very good list… missing 12. sense of entitlement 👌
Proposal
I would disagree with few you listed, 6. asking questions in different ways to see if you get the same answer is actually a technique used for interrogations (police, military etc)
8. Not necessarily, some can be surface level, unless you mean it´s the only thing they seek.
9. The family could be toxic and you made the decision to remove yourself from a toxic space.
10. Ahh well maybe, I´ve dealt with this one, and what I´ve done was call her out on it, bring up a past memory where both know you were right about and then make it clear that your memory is just fine, watch how fast she´ll shut up or she´ll bring up another topic, if she does she knows she´s wrong about it and her little game won´t work with you. Then ask her about the new topic and don´t dwell on your W…
11. Taking advantage of others for personal gain.
12. Resistance to change. Unable to self reflect/improve (because they see nothing wrong with themselves)
13. Sensitive to critique
14. Never/always (Extreme words like “Always” and “Never” can also hurt others. When talking to relationship partners, for example, using these extreme terms to prove your point immediately puts someone else on the defensive, and downplays or ignores the work that they did (or did not) do.)
15. Seeing things black/white
16. A tendency to put themselves down ( so you can lift them up)
PolubieniePolubienie
20 Signs You Are With A „Covert” Narcissist
RICHARD GRANNON
1,693,935 views Mar 25, 2015
Kerry
This is all spot on. The covert who abused me was a „pillar of the community.” He loved being seen as the „white knight.” Guess what he did behind closed doors? He complained incessantly about the very same people he was helping and had zero empathy for them. It was SO STRANGE. He even complained about his closest „friends.” I never have seen someone so negative in my life. I had to go to a psychologist to deal with this because I had no idea what was happening because it was so CONFUSING. He constantly told sob stories, was very down to earth, and would even cry. He appeared very caring and was extremely adept at the love bombing stage. Later, I started seeing very bizarre behaviors emerge that I could no longer ignore. You never knew who you were going to deal with from day to day. On the bad days, he was extremely arrogant, dismissive, abusive and would use the silent treatment. It is like dealing with someone with two personalities. One day, he completely lost it on me over something extremely minor and that was it. I could not take it anymore. I have never seen an adult man behave that way in my life. He had a complete meltdown/rage event and I was done. Run. Do not walk. Do not let them back in. They are skilled manipulators and they do not care if they hurt you.
DibbleThorp
Record conversations. Replay them. Listen to the stuff they say and learn their patterns. If you can, tiptoe away from the relationship quietly.
5 Things To Remember Leaving The Narcissist
RICHARD GRANNON
32,071 views Streamed live on May 22, 2023
John McKenna
I can see why leaving a narcissist is so hard. We naturally want closure, a feeling of completion, of resolving things in a fair & equitable manner, but this will never happen with a real narcissist, as they simply can’t give us what we want or need. It’s like a puzzle that can never be solved because many of the key pieces are broken or missing!
Camille
it took me 12 years, just now, to accept this.
Patrick Holland
Great, comment. This is so true, and the realisation I’m having to accept now.
PolubieniePolubienie
8 Reasons the Narcissist Hates You
Rebecca Zung
135,804 views Oct 14, 2021
TED Schmitt
I’ve also heard some explain it as narcissists hate themselves, so they are offloading that hate onto their victims. Bringing others down makes themselves feel better.
Spiritual Mirror Anthony Fielden
Correct. Projecting their self hate onto others. The evil hate is jealous of those who have connection to Spirit. The Black Hole is jealous of the Stars.
jan
Your exactly correct I lived it for 30 years it is so toxic…in the earlier part of my marriage I used to feel sorry for him and actually make excuses for his behavior. One time he even said to me „I don’t even like myself” but when I look back on it I don’t know if he confiding or just playing the victim to get sympathy…so screwed up.
Lisa K
@ TED Schmitt. And they don’t discriminate, they do it to anyone, even the people who love them. 😦
This Will Hurt a Narcissist Forever
Rebecca Zung
61K views 1 year ago
Ishita Aggarwal
Thanks for video. Here are the 8 tips for anyone who wants a shorter version or can’t watch the video rn:
1. Ask for proof, hold them accountable.
2. Challenge things they say (for eg. if they try to twist what actually happened, or manipulate situations, stand up to them)
3. Create boundaries and hold them to it.
4. Create choices for them and hold them to it.
5. Exposing them to people they respect. This creates leverage.
6. Exposing them to new form of supply.
7. Not taking bait. Don’t engage.
8. Moving on. Don’t look back.
Tom
Omg… i came up with tactics to get relief from my narcissist. Included asking for proof, creating space, turning off my phone, saying no, telling them I’ll exposure them with prof threatening their employment.
I have never been so mean and ugly to anyone and I felt disgusting but it was a necessary. I was at a point of leaving my dream job. These things work but you have to be willing to be ugly.
EARTHLING
They create a situation that becomes so overwhelming and negative in your life, that you have to do what is needed, not what you want. If you ever want to live in peace, they give you no choice but to do what has to be done. They are sick, evil creatures.
Vidana PS
Correct I always strive to fight for good cause but to said or does mean things to someone it’s never been in my thought unless someone start or too much forgiving once I can’t stand then I’ll will fight it back . But in this worse scenario I have an adult daughter who is narcissism mentally and physically I am drained no matter how hard I’ll try to be nice or helping her she will called me named and threaten me that I’m this and that etc……🙃😥💔
PolubieniePolubienie
4 Ways to Torture The Narcissist
RICHARD GRANNON
589,606 views Premiered Dec 23, 2022 #Abuse #RichardGrannon #SOCIOPATHY
Is it possible to Torture the Narcissist and beat them at their own psychological game? Is it possible to take the very same tactics they use against you and expose them and „deflate” the very false image they have created and thus torture them in the process
Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
00:09 | Tactic 1 – Reduce Narcissist’s Significance in your Life
01:56 | Tactic 2 – Challenge their idealized self
03:04 | Disclaimer
04:23 | Tactic 3 – Go to Therapy
06:08 | Tactic 4 – Mess with their Supply (EXPOSE THEM)
09:40 | They are actually very fragile
10:55 | Splitting / Black and White
12:00 | Closing remarks
Debbie
Closing remarks … spot on. “Don’t abuse the abuser. Simply leave. Go to therapy. Heal. Reduce their significance in your life. Get on with your life. Live a good life …” Wisdom. There is a life worth living outside, beyond the Cluster B bubble.
Roundbeargames
True torture to a narcissist is you don’t even wanna torture them. You don’t care. Whatever happens to them you’re indifferent. You focus on yourself, not them.
Raptured and Back
You nailed it. By not giving them what they want, which is for you to focus on them while they have their fun, it destroys them and protects you.
Rock and Rose
I agree with this comment. I found myself thinking, as I watched this video, that doing this correctly would involve giving them even MORE of your time, attention, and energy, just so you could „get back,” which feels like still being hooked. And it’s not very adult. I just want to sidestep their games. What they do with that is their business, not mine. I just want to stop repeating this pattern in my other relationships. That’s the hard part.
5 Weaknesses The Narcissist Does NOT want you to know about
RICHARD GRANNON
42,012 views Premiered Apr 11, 2023 #cptsd #abuserecovery #narcissist
Timestamps:
00:00 | Introduction
00:06 | Weakness 1 – The Addiction
00:35 | Weakness 2 – Their Story is a lie
01:04 | Weakness 3 – They would be ashamed if…
02:47 | Weakness 4 – Hypersensitive (even the Grandiose)
04:27 | Weakness 5 – Reliable
05:25 | QuickFire Q&A
Louise Garner
Narc weaknesses :
1 Addicted to false self
2 False narrative
3 Impressionable
4 Thin skinned, labile moods
5 Reliant on others
Verum bellator
I left the narcissist and when I held them accountable for their lies, using certain tactics, their true self showed! So true.
old boy
what did you do to hod them accountable ? what actions ?
Verum bellator
@old boy i tried the nice root for the longest time. Shrugging off criticisms and trying to be civil. That of course got me only more of the same. So instead of taking it inwards I bounced it back. First I left then I called him out on his lies and shamed him for it. Said he was a child…. Weak and an ungrateful____. Then all the truths came out of him. Tit for tat baby! There is no winning with a narc. Just leave and say you peace when you are in a safe place.
TTP
If the Devil can’t get to you, He will send a Narcissist. TRUTH!!
KAR
A snake or rapist too. Or a mask wearing liar in different forms.
PolubieniePolubienie
#Narcissists’ 6 Weak Spots (Turn the Table on Them) #narcissistweaknesses
Rebecca Zung
108,692 views Oct 26, 2021 Negotiate Your Best Life Show
Narcissists’ 6 Weak Spots//Narcissists hate weakness but if you want to outstmart them and make them miserable there are definitely ways to confuse them and make them very afraid of you for a change. If you are so ready to turn the table on them, watch this video to find out how.
Yukio Saito
01:04 1. They are greedy
03:00 2. They are jealous
04:15 3. They just don’t see other people’s points of view
05:46 4. They cannot take criticism at all of any kind
06:50 5. They are just paranoid
07:51 6. They’re liars
Jolly
True. However, it’s a paradox because narcissists believe that these characteristics help them maintain their fake self. Narcs see them as assets, not flaws, that enable their fictitious persona to live, develop, and prosper in their bizarre world of manipulation and exploitation.
Azara Moon
I sometimes feel sad that Ive had to spend so much of my life, wasted on narcissists.
Geraldine Ekhator
Well I was brought up to believe that it may seem like you have wasted your time and life on them but it brings you strength of character and closer to God.
AJ Bunches
@Geraldine Ekhator you are right. Also, your experience makes you better able to deal with the challenges you will face in the future. I was faced with 6 deaths in the midst of the end of my marriage. I was married for 30 years but he was not. I am much stronger now and I’ve learned to love myself first and to find joy in peace and quiet & little things.
7 Things That Frighten Narcissists To Their Core
RICHARD GRANNON
272,120 views Premiered Jan 12, 2023 #Abuse #RichardGrannon #Narcissist
Narcissistic Mortification; After watching this video you will walk away with tactical tools that will instill fear in the Narcissist, These tips and tools discussed will ultimately tip the balance in your favor and most importantly move you towards healing once and for all.
Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
00:41 | Tactic 1 – Defy the all-important image
01:24 | Tactic 2 – Operate outside the fixed view
04:01 | Tactic 3 – Reverse Uno Card
07:00 | UNPLUG FROM THE MATRIX
07:24 | Tactic 4 – Point out their mistakes
07:46 | Tactic 5 – Stop offering them supply
11:31 | Tactic 6 – Get on with your life
13:56 | Tactic 7 – Adult and Individuate
Celt_Downunder
“Devalue and Discard’ that’s what I did and he stalked me for months. He couldn’t bear the humiliation of being left and being insignificant. Well said Richard. You have taken me from broken to rising from the ashes as a proud empath. Thank you. 🙏❤
becca harrison
My ex is a narcissist & the day he realized I was not only done with him but I was indifferent towards him was priceless…I’ll never forget the look on his face & tone of his voice…🥰🥰🥰
Alex Tomlinson
Let me guess. He turned into a child
Tonya Whitehead
The Narcissistic rage is no joke. I have been getting attacked almost daily for catching him red handed cheating and therefore proving cheating. I have NEVER seen or experienced anything like this before in my life. It’s pure evil HELL!
PolubieniePolubienie
Narcissists Will Lose their Minds if You Do These 10 Things
Psychology Element
931,619 views Aug 24, 2021 #npd #narcissism #narcissist
Narcissists Will Lose their Minds if You Do These 10 Things. In this video, we cover things that make a narcissist lose their mind. You’ll learn about ways to make a narcissistic person just lose it just before leaving them. Can you make narcissists lose it?
Let’s face it – it’s not difficult for a narcissist to lose their mind. The reason for this is that their threshold for frustration tolerance and ability to regulate stress, failure, rejection or disappointment is very low. And let’s not forget that narcissists are deeply insecure people whose grandiose self-presentation doesn’t match the reality of their qualities, abilities and achievements, so even a little reminder of that can cause them to experience something known as “narcissistic injury“ that causes them to spiral out of control, often onto a person who reminded them of their deficits or tried to hold them accountable for their actions. We would never advocate for you to provoke narcissists or intentionally hurt them, but you should be aware of all the things that make them show their true colors.
If you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist and you want to outsmart the narcissist and leave them then here are 10 things you can do to take back control from a narcissist.
Fabiano
1-Make them accountable /responsible
2- Deny imediate gratification /pleasure
3 -Shame then , call them innadequate about something
4- Ping theirs insecurities
5- Not explain, not argue about anything
6- Imply that they need professional help
7-Setting boundaries
8- Implicate that they are losing power or influence in the relationship
9-Leaving then
10- Having they deficits publically exposed
Evelina
“You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.” “You will never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.” “Stay away from people who can’t take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.”
El Duque
I went to war with my narcissist. Just ignore them like they never existed. That’s how you win.
Emotionally Abusive Narcissists Will Lose Their Minds IF Empaths Do These 10 Things
Tamie M Joyce
1,768,273 views May 6, 2022 #tamiemjoyce #unlockyourfreedom #superempath
EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE NARCISSISTS WILL LOSE THEIR MINDS IF EMPATHS DO THESE 10 THINGS // There are ten things empaths can do to turn the tables and cause emotionally abusive narcissists to be the ones to lose their minds, for a change.
Here’s what’s true: The effects of long term exposure to an emotionally abusive narcissist can and will take a toll on your mental health.
Whether it’s your emotionally abusive parents, emotionally abusive husband, emotionally abusive mother, emotionally abusive father, emotionally abusive wife, or anyone else who has a destructive narcissist personality pattern, the price we pay as a result of remaining enmeshed in toxic relationships with people on the spectrum of destructive narcissism is steep.
Narcissistic people are highly toxic and manipulative. In addition, they feel entitled to exploit and deceive others, in particular, those who are closest to them.
If you’ve suffered from the effects of narcissistic abuse, this video will equip you with the strategies necessary to take your power back once and for all.
Enjoy! ~ Tamie M xx
3 Red Hearts
According to the video:
1. Let them know you’re onto them
2. Remain completely non-reactive
3. Radical honesty
4. Treat them with indifference
5. Rejection
6. Exposure
7. Unfavorable comparisons
8. Ignore them
9. Get happy
10. Establish and maintain no-contact
Miss R
Being an empath and dating a narcissist is one of the worst situations one could be in. It’s very draining and chaotic
Tatiana R.
It doesn’t get any better, whatever you thought it was wrong and odd it’s much, much worse
PolubieniePolubienie
When You Do These To A Narcissist, They’ll Ultimately Run With Their Tail Between Their Legs |Npd |
Narcissist Exposed
676,849 views Streamed live on Jan 4, 2023 #narcissism #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissist
In today’s video, we will examine one of the weaknesses of narcissists, which is their inability to quit thinking about you, regardless of whether the Narcissist is a parent, friend, coworker, family member, or romantic partner.
Narcissists are emotionally cruel and manipulative because their ego is everything to them. Narcissists may resort to negative reinforcements as a form of punishment if they see that someone is attempting to overtake their superior status or is failing to provide them with sufficient acknowledgment.
Ross Dickens
A narcissist is like dealing with a demonic entity.
john hanrahan
A friend just told me, „A narcissist is someone who demands you give up everything to be their nothing.” If you’re trying to deal with a narcissist, just remember this: You have but one life. There is no way to get back the time and that part of your life they take from you. Just say „Goodbye” and move on without looking back. No vengeance, no anger. Just ‚goodbye’.
Ana Bautista
1. Do not fall for their gaslighting trick. 2. Do not expect anything from them. 3. Stay genuine. 4. Silence. 5. Take note of things between you and them. 6. Don’t be in a hurry. 7. Improve your self esteem.
How Sigma Males DESTROY Narcissists
Achieve Greatness
129,307 views Mar 6, 2023 #sigma #sigmamale #achievegreatness
Narcissism is a personality disorder that lurks beneath the surface of some of the most charming and charismatic individuals. At its core, a narcissist is a self-absorbed and destructive person that can wreak havoc on the lives of those around them through manipulation and deception. Narcissists are driven by an insatiable need for admiration and attention, and they will stop at nothing to get it. But there are certain things that will make a narcissist unhinged, things that will expose their dark and dangerous side. And Sigma males know exactly what these things are. They understand the inner workings of the narcissistic mind, and they know how to use that knowledge to their advantage. In today’s video, we will delve into the dark and twisted world of narcissists and explore 10 strategies that Sigma males use to destroy them.
Chapters:
00:00 Intro
00:52 Withholding attention from them.
01:33 Providing criticism.
02:17 Second-guessing them.
03:00 Sigmas will hold a narcissist accountable.
03:45 Sigmas will outshine the narcissist.
04:40 Sigmas cannot be manipulated by a narcissist.
05:42 Sigmas will say no to a narcissist.
06:27 Sigmas stay calm when a narcissist tries to upset them.
07:09 Sigmas will show a narcissist that they are happy without them.
07:58 Ghosting.
08:50 Conclusion (Like & Subscribe!)
Drin Elliott
“Narcissists don’t need to be destroyed, they are already destroyed to begin with” WOW what an enlightenment!
PJ Maloney
Love this quote. I know a narcissist and I despise her. This quote makes me feel better.
Tom Stephens
I’ll take a crack at simplifying this piece. Sigma Males are really good at saying the most powerful word known to humanity. “No.” We also understand silence, avoidance, and no contact. Done.
Peaumont
I ignore and dont give my emotions to narcissistic manipulation and bullying, i actually got called a narcissist because i wouldnt give them the emotion reactions they wanted, hilarious projection, and when you laugh at the narcissist they get very upset 😂
Chris Pachnik
Once you understand the concept of „Supply” to a narc. you understand everything about their behavior. You will never be able to unsee it.
PolubieniePolubienie
Only a Super Empath Can Destroy A Narcissist, Here’s How
Psychology Element
1,340,481 views Mar 19, 2021 #superempath #narcissist #narc
There is nothing a narcissist loves more than an empath. What’s not to like?
Their good nature makes them willing to believe everyone is good-natured and of equal value of the same kindness. They want to help people in need, especially those who are vulnerable. Or, at least appear vulnerable.
The narcissist’s perfectly crafted tragic backstory, filled with stories of them being a victim, will make the empath rush in to help. Their seemingly friendly and non judgemental nature will make an empath feel like they can confide in them, trust them with their secrets.
All of this makes them easy prey for the narcissist. Too often, empaths who aren’t as emotionally strong get wrapped up in a narcissist’s manipulations. Often this happens because empaths notoriously have low self-esteem, making them more prone to falling for a narcissist’s gaslighting and becoming dependent on them.
However, there are some empaths who are unsusceptible to a narcissist’s tricks. There are a few different names for these types of empaths, as researchers have yet to coin a term for them yet. But they’re a type of empath who doesn’t meet the typical Empath Profile. For the purpose of this video, we are going to refer to them as Super Empaths.
If you’re an empath who feels you might have a narcissist manipulating you, and you’re wondering if you have what it takes to destroy a narcissist’s ego, keep watching! Because today’s great psychological video is: How and Why A Super Empath Can Destroy a Narcissist!
sandra maar
Real empaths don’t want to destroy the narcissist, they just want to protect themselves from them.
Fiona Light Spontaneous
I found the method to destroy the narcissist is to ask for examples to support their often flawed argument, especially when they are in verbal attack mode. This unravels them, and they realise they have zero control over you. Once that happens they give you the exit option. Some even help you pack 😂
Bamber
I just found this out too. You’re right, this works. Or I repeat back what they say and ask if it either makes sense or make them take accountability— they hate for their image to be destroyed. Putting that mirror up shows them just how flawed their thinking is and exposes other people to their train of thought.
Rend & Mend
They can NEVER give you an example.
Barry Mclernon
I’ve found this to be one of the best strategies in any conversation – If you’re under attack- ask questions. don’t let the conversation settle until they have been able to give full context to what it is they’re saying.
Soon, it’ll become clear to both of you that it was an attack and not beneficial.
They’ll never do it again
Margot Margot
true. Simple and strong logic without allowing to stray from the main subject, with no drama no tears no shouting, just pure logic, shows the weakness of the narcissist.. they do not know what else to say or do..
10 Tactics to Put a Narcissist in Their Place
Psychology Element
2,957,944 views Sep 12, 2021 #npd #narcissism #narcissist
10 Tactics to Put a Narcissist in Their Place. In this video, we cover 10 ways to put a narcissistic person in their place. You will learn techniques to put down the narcissist in case it’s someone you can’t get away from.
Do you have a narcissist in your life? Before you embark on the journey of putting a narcissist in their place, there is one thing you should keep in mind. It will be the fight of your life. If you have been allowing a narcissist to manipulate you and dominate you for a long time, it will be a fight to change things. But you will be so glad you did. Narcissists are wired to be abusive because they lack empathy. They naturally take offense and misunderstand the needs and perspective of others. They can be rattled by the tiniest thing.
When they get angry, they may call the other person names, confront them, use slurs against them, use closed-off behavior, or the silent treatment. They can do it in a very calm and cold way, which is even more disturbing than if they’d rejected you openly.
It’s good for you to realize that the narcissist is not going to change, and you’ll be relieved when you realize you can spend your energy somewhere else. It will be the fight of your life, but it will be worth it. Here are 10 tactics to put a narcissist in their place. We recommend you stick with us until sign number 10. When you hear number 10, you will be surprised you never thought of it.
Into The Woods
1. Call them by their name
2. Remind them to stick to the subject
3. Don’t take responsibility for their emotions
4. Don’t talk until they stop attacking you
5. Don’t deceive yourself
6. Call them out on their deception
7. Don’t be afraid
8. Don’t let them be the center of your universe
9. Don’t be rushed or pressured
10. Learn how to say no
Evelina
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” – Karla Grimes
Evelina
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then they will turn around and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” — Susan Williams
Matt Luy
Transparency and keeping records were key in shutting down slander and attempts to alienate or manipulate me in the two different situations. Very good advice to follow. I wasn’t really vulnerable to emotional manipulation from my former friend or my father growing up so I can’t speak to some of the other tactics but those two work.
Gany Meade
Eventually narcissists are revealed. No sane or nice person wants them. The only people who can probably tolerate them are other fools. So, narcissists get their karma.
PolubieniePolubienie
3 Things That Make A Narcissist Panic
The Narcissist Revealed
36,143 views Jun 19, 2022
You probably found this video because there’s a narcissist in your life that you can’t quite figure out. They always seem to be one step ahead of you, and it doesn’t seem like there is much that you can do about it. You don’t want to get revenge, but you do want to know what if anything makes them panic.
My name is Nikki and on this channel I show you how to understand the narcissist’s true intentions in narcissistic relationships. Whether the person you’re dealing with is low or high on the narcissism spectrum or has full blown narcissistic personality disorder (npd). This information is designed to help you recognize the red flags in the relationship and become a narc survivor. Learning how to recognize narcissistic abuse in these toxic relationships is the first step to helping to move you forward. You’ll find that whether you are dealing with a covert narcissist, overt narcissism or a malignant narcissist they all pretty much follow the same patterns.
Spitfire85
Ignoring is the strongest power.
majestic
They definitely fear being exposed! I caught a exfriend of 40 years of fraud ! she posted that she graduated from an elite school on Facebook . she left it there for months. I called her on it mainly because I was confused . I knew she didn’t even graduate high school much less go to an elite College! she flipped out , paniced then blamed her boyfriend for putting it on there. But a few weeks prior she told me he didn’t like Facebook and he wasn’t even on there. I guess he thinks she graduated from an elite College before they met. On top of that after I exposed her she tried to Gaslight me! Of course I didn’t buy it. Hmmm 😂 Needless to say I don’t speak to her anymore and I’ve never brought it up to anybody.
Tonya Lynne
I just pointed out all these behaviors in a female.. I had to do it to a man too! That could of been a slippery slope. I even predicted her using God to try and bait him.. that using fake religious God living person when you are manipulative sneaky person.. doesn’t get passed me. If you are wondering why it bothers me so much, it is because it is my guy for 1 lol and 2, the way I learned these behaviors is when my son was killed and I was given a free education on evil, MANIPULATIVE, sneaky beings.
Cruel Narcissists Will Go Crazy IF You Can Successfully Do These 8 Things |NPD |Narcissism |Gaslight
Narcissist Exposed
14,867 views May 18, 2023 #narcissistsurvivor #Gaslighting #narcissism
If you’re attracted to this video, chances are, you might be going through a tough time with someone who is controlling and manipulative. You might feel lost and confused, unable to trust your own thoughts and feelings. We are here to support you.
楊宜強
My narc had so many people helping him once he convinced them he was the victim. None of them had even talked to me. Whenever I didn’t accept his constant lying and circular conversations, he’d say it was impossible for him to understand me..then, it was as if he forgot he’d said he couldn’t communicate with me. He’d start telling me who I was, what I meant by what I’d said, etc. Finally one day I told him you need to decide which it is. If you can’t understand me then you don’t know who I am. His mouth dropped. He stopped.
How The Narcissist Tries To Draw You Back In With the Narcissistic Hoover
The Narcissist Revealed
5,680 views Jun 8, 2022
You’ve probably found this video because you finally left your narcissistic ex, your mind is at ease and you’re starting to make strides in your life again. You’re in your happy place. You’ve even healed enough that you’ve found the strength to start dating again because you’ve done some research into narcissism and you finally accepted that you were not the problem in your previous relationship. You’ve given yourself the permission to move on. But suddenly after months of not communicating with you, your narcissistic ex reaches back out unexpectedly like nothing ever happened.
A. G.
There is always this point in time when the type disappears from the image surface forever.
Judith Joseph
Never going backwards, forward 💯
PolubieniePolubienie
When You Completely Cut Off The Narcissist
Exposing the Narcissist with Clarice
39,162 views Jul 24, 2022 #exposingthenarcissist #narcissist
00:00 Pre-Intro
01:40 Welcome and Shout Out
02:18 Introduction
02:38 Why No Contact Angers The Narcissist
03:50 How Narcissists Cope With No Contact
08:45 Conclusion
laminage
„Denial” is the worst example of a Narcist. They never learned to take responsibility for what they do. It is never their fault, it’s always someone else’s.
Svetlana
Reading all the comments trough I have realised that I am not alone, we are actually quite a big community going through the same pain and trauma… set boundaries dear friends and be strong, you will get there…
Triana Foxwood
Because of these videos I learned how to get away from my Covert Narcissist ex boss. I discarded her first. I’ve been free 11 months. My life threatening health ailments have gone away. She made me sick. She has sent her Flying Monkeys to get information. I don’t answer the phone. She’s hoping I’ll come back to work, even though she hates me. I have decided to turn my back on all the work friendships also. I can’t have a tie to this Evil person. I have to truly be free to recover. I’m lonely. I know some day I’ll make new friends. It was a hard decision to turn my back on everyone at the company. But I’m so glad I did. The Narc can’t get any information on me. I got the last laugh. No Hoovering here. Everyday the memories grow dimmer. Soon it will be like she never existed. She’s nothing to me.
David Dern
I ghosted 2 narcissists .. they can talk circles around me and gas light me so … ghosting was the most logical… and they HATED it. One got into trouble with police and blamed his mess up on me as revenge I guess… was able to get him caught in a lie and I was dismissed. He lied so much he couldn’t remember them all. But I did.
What The Narcissist Gets Up To When You Go No Contact
Exposing the Narcissist with Clarice
180,826 views Oct 17, 2021 #exposingthenarcissist #narcissists
In this video, we’re going to discuss what the Narcissist does when you go No Contact. This can be a difficult process, but it’s important that you know what to expect.
If you’re going through a No Contact situation with a Narcissist, then you need to be prepared for anything. This video will teach you about the different behaviours that the Narcissist might exhibit, and how to best deal with them. By understanding what the Narcissist is doing, you’ll be in a better position to make the decisions that are best for you.
What the Narcissist gets up to when you go No Contact
00:00 Welcome and Shout Outs
00:29 Introduction
02:11 Why Narcissists Hate No Contact
02:40 Who the Narcissist targets while you are away
04:05 The different things the Narcissist does when you go No Contact
07:30 Conclusion
Mariposa
If anyone changes their attitude towards you over what a narcissist has said behind your back, they weren’t someone you needed in the first place.
Tamtam
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂😂❤❤
Debra Marshall
Just ignore them because they care about no one. If they act like they care about you it’s all an act to get back into your life and try to control you and cause you more grief and pain. It really hurts them to not know what is going on in your life.
Joe Rickman
Hell-bent on destroying you is a good way to describe narcissist’s when you go no contact. They slander you to everyone around you as well. It’s a very strange sickness. They are extremely obsessed.
kathy
Yes, I’ve been through all that you have mentioned and as you say they never stop. I feel now that I am coming out the other side of it and I feel much more at peace with myself and now I feel abundance and appreciate the small things in life. It’s been about eight years now and the narcissists are still intent on playing their mind games, but now I have accepted that this is the narcs just doing their narcing. These days I just feel much more blessed and happy. Thankyou for your video, Claris.
Finally For Me
They don’t just want others to look at you sideways they want you to look at yourself that way. Don’t buy into their illusions. You are worthy, you matter, you deserve so much more then they are capable of.
PolubieniePolubienie
Narcissistic Abuse: An Unspoken Reality (Short Documentary)
RICHARD GRANNON
1,560,847 views Mar 3, 2017
Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 „How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath”
https://www.eventbrite.ie/e/how-to-manipulate-the-narcissist-or-psychopath-vaknin-and-grannon-tickets-57644631645
Watch our documentary on the hidden toxicity of social media now
http://bit.ly/pluggedindocumentary
idgar_Blues
Narcissists are demons who walk amongst us. Their lack of empathy and compassion is truly terrifying. They’re monsters. Run and never look back.
Sharon Stares
Lilly Pilly, i agree with each and every word you said, may you and all who have suffered from their evil plots and schemes find peace and healing from the Lord. sending love and light to all.
Patricia Montoya
They are dark energy!!
GrandmasterofWin
Narcissists are broken people. Abuse takes a healthy child and turns them into a reflection of that abuse. Under the layers of defense mechanisms, each layer nastier than the last, is a small traumatized child. This isn’t to say that you should coddle them or stay with them, just to understand that they’re people too. If a narcissist seeks help they can learn to recognize their behaviors and to see them for what they are. Also, it’s important to see that there are different levels to narcissism. There are borderline narcissists, and there are people like the guy in this video. Keep an eye out, protect yourself, and do not get enmeshed, but know that they aren’t demons.
PolubieniePolubienie
Covert Narcissists SECRET CrazyMaking Communication Weapon They Use To ABUSE
RICHARD GRANNON
1,875,686 views Premiered Apr 24, 2020
Crystal Lambert
My favourite quote that kinda relates to this is “Don’t blame the clown for acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus 🎪 “
TheBrighterSpider
Quickest way to break the cycle (and also the narcissist) is to get comfortable with being the bad guy. “Yes I’m a mean b*tch and yes, I’m still saying no.” They have absolutely no idea how to handle that. It’s like de-fanging a snake. You can see the helpless confusion in their faces, because nobody ever responded to their guilt trip with calm acceptance and a double down on the offending behavior.
Rose Blossom
I think one of the worst part of the situation is when there’s points of confusion when I’ve often asked am I the narcissist? Did I ever act like this without realizing it? And if I did then was it because I’m was acting like a narcissist or was I reacting to narcissistic abuse? Or maybe we were both narcissistic towards each other and were both energy vampires?! 😱 Now it’s almost grown into a paranoia. I try to be extra aware of my words and actions to the point where I not only keep records of what people say to me but also I’m constantly recording and monitoring myself and looking at how what I said/did may or may not be narcissistic. 😵💫 😂
Rosemary Ringer
Confusion. That’s the whole of it. I was involved with a „covert narcissist” for almost two years, and it was hell on earth. Everything about this video is spot-on. And my ex was the ultimate victim. He needed pity and victimhood like most of us need oxygen. And yes, I felt sorry for him all the time. Two months out – and sanity has started to return. I didn’t understand it at the time, but everyone is right: NO CONTACT is the only way to go with this sorry mess.
SIGNS Of An Abusive Relationship You SHOULDN’T Ignore (Signs Of Emotional Abuse)
RICHARD GRANNON
216,461 views Streamed live on Oct 10, 2019
RICHARD GRANNON
0:36 – State Of Confusing
2:25 – You Start Investigation
3:53 – Coercion
8:39 – If… You are in a toxic relationship.
13:45 – How To Deal With It
19:08 – Everyone Is Traumatizing
25:23 – Trauma Is Everywhere. AND IT’S OKAY
30:10 – What Are We Doing Here? You don’t really need to know
36:14 – We Are Built For Connection
42:08 – Final Point
Q&A Section
47:11 – When You Have Been Hurt That Much, How Do You Heal From It Internally?
50:30 – The Reptilian Brain Will Keep You Traumatized
Andrea Riegler
Thank you for confirming the „gut instinct ” is something to be heeded. I thought I was being covertly coerced, turns out that is the modus operandi of my narcissist. I have learned over time that those „unspoken expectations ” were nothing more than me being gaslit to carry out his agenda. I have also learned that NO is a very empowering word. Thx again for the wisdom–
R Blue
Richard! That’s it! Absolutely it – the state of confusion is a reflection of the toxic relationship! I would spend so much time replaying the interactions trying so hard to “figure” out what was going on. Bless you. It makes it all so clear now. 💡
PolubieniePolubienie
What I LEARNED Living With A NARCISSIST (Covert Narcissist)
RICHARD GRANNON
228,861 views Apr 1, 2020
Slim Pickens
I didn’t realize I was living with a narcissist until I had cancer. And I began to realize how coldhearted the woman I live with was. And the scam isn’t a financial one it’s an emotional one. They drain you of your compassion and love. And when you need compassion and love in return they consider it a weakness of yours.
Stallions
I truly believe that only when you have been in a relationship with someone with NPD can you comprehend the experience. It is mindfuckery you have a difficult time processing and even more difficult time trying to explain it to someone else. Thank you for your thoughtful videos- you are helping more people than you know.❤️
Laurie Jewett
You’re right. I’ve thought someone was a friend and told them what I go through only to find I’m suddenly a deluded, dishonest crybaby. If they meet my oh so sweet husband who worships the ground I walk on? Well..you know. Richard has changed my life. ❤️
MJ
‘I didn’t think this girl would run a vendetta against me …. I thought women were nurturing’!!!! Yes. This is why content like your Richard is so important. I was blind like you. Mine were psychological terrorists. My sister in law took me to the point of suicide. I think there needs to be much more dialogue on female bullying – particularly covert narcissm. Thank you Richard. Bless
M
I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 12 years. I have watched many videos, trying to get my strength up to leave him. He has emotionally abused me, worse than I ever knew was even possible, which has also caused physical results. I would say in all honesty that he nearly destroyed me. I thank you very sincerely for sharing this video. Something in me clicked while watching you speak and I feel that I have the strength finally that I’ve been hoping for.
Low Grade Narcissists | 5 Things You Need To Know
RICHARD GRANNON
231,178 views Premiered Nov 20, 2022 #Cptsd #Abuse #Narcissist
In this video, You will learn 5 things you need to know about Low grade Narcissists, watch all the way to the end to find out what you can say word by word to test for it in an individual.
Timestamps:
• We are outside the realm of Clinical Psychiatry 0:08
• Highly narcissistic traits + interrelational style 3:35
• Context-specific Narcissism 7:07
• Narcissism = complex post-traumatic stress response 8:09
• All Narcissism is compensatory 11:14
Kathleen Dinsmore
This could explain how siblings raised by the same narcissist can have very different experiences. My brother remembers a loving mother. My memories are of one filled with malice and vindictiveness. l think a person with narcissistic traits can carefully choose who they want to be nice to. So any way you slice it, whether it’s a little bit or a lot, narcissism sucks.
R Foley
IMO if you are dealing with a low-grade narcissist, if they don’t fly into a rage there will be passive aggressive vindictive behavior. GUARANTEED!
Cath Laurs
Please don’t fall into the trap of staying around for, and supporting, someone with high grade narcissism because you can see their wounds and vulnerabilities and feel sorry for them. A high grade one will recognise your good nature and your pity and exploit it – they will exact revenge on you and you won’t see it coming as they are highly skilled in gaslighting and manipulation. Slowly, calmly and carefully walk away. Don’t ruffle their feathers and don’t challenge them. Recognise that you will feel guilt and pain for ‚abandoning’ that person. That’s OK, that makes you a caring, empathetic person. Keep yourself and your loved ones safe.
PolubieniePolubienie
WHEN THE NARCISSIST REALIZES WHAT THEY LOST (YOU!)
NARCDAILY -You Are Not Alone
1,880,313 views Nov 8, 2021 #narcdaily #video #trending
THE NARCISSIST REALIZES WHAT THEY LOST IN YOU. They certainly will do this. It could happen today.. tomorrow or in a month.. it will happen. The narcissist had the best person ever in you.. and they had to try to destroy it. They tried and tried.. and failed. You are here improving yourself everyday and moving forward. You have the knowledge and insight now. You will NEVER LOOK BACK.. you are empowered and on your path to being the best version of you everyday.
Marie Howard
As I’m watching this video I’m crying, because I finally found a place where theirs real people who have endured the heartache of living with a narcissist. The comments I read validate that I’m on the right path to healing, I’m not alone. Thank you for this video.
What Does A Narcissist Do When They Lost You and They Know You’re Not Coming Back?
The Narcissist Revealed
150,970 views Jun 4, 2022
You’ve probably came across this video because you finally left your narcissistic ex and you want to understand how they may be feeling now that the relationship is over. Do you they finally realize that they lost a good person. Do they understand that they really messed up for the last time?
Manel
They will make themselves the victims of the situation and say that you are the villain for walking out. They’ll also trash talk you behind your back and spread rumors about you
EButta71
This was so spot on. They don’t care about you as a person only about what you supply them with.
The Big H
As empaths we expect people to react the way they SHOULD ! A narc is far too proud and stubborn to admit they did anything wrong ! They will belittle your discard as childish , petty or dramatic ! That in itself shows just how little respect they truly have for you , .another reason to NEVER go back ! 🙏🙏❤️
Haley Wiege
Yeah dude! They will call YOU a child almost as if we are still little children even though we’re grown adults! THEY are the irresponsible little children!
PolubieniePolubienie
How Some Narcissists Recycle Their Partners: The Never-Ending Love Triangle.
The Narcissist Revealed
1,575 views Feb 15, 2023
You probably found this video because you’re dating or have dated a narcissist who seems to have you trapped in a never-ending love triangle. They keep leaving and coming back and you have no idea why. You thought you were the only one, but you have doubts that they may be juggling multiple lovers.
D A
If you’re dumb enough to be „recycled” you only have yourself to blame. As the saying goes „Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”.
The Narcissist Revealed
You’re not dumb if you get “recycled” The problem is if you stay in a bad situation long enough you become desensitized to the drama and mistreatment.
What The Narcissist Does When You Go No Contact
The Narcissist Revealed
34,980 views Jan 25, 2023
You finally made the decision to go no contact and have no clue what to expect. The narcissist in your life acted like they didn’t want to be bothered with you while you were together so as far as you’re concerned this should be easy. We would all hope that our relationships would work out and last forever but, If they do eventually come to a close we could only hope that they would come to an end mutually. Unfortunately, with a narcissist you never know what to expect.
Danielle Morse
Thank you for this video. 22 days of no contact and nothing from him. Have gone 30 in the past and broke it. I need to stay strong this time. No one wants to just cut someone off from their life in this manner but breakups with a narcissist are a whole different game. 😢
Kuljeet Singh
Remember you go, no contacts or grey rock.. not to punish them but to give yourself an opportunity to heal. Keep the focus on healing. If you are still thinking of a narcissist 24/7, that’s not really is no contact, and They are still occupying your space
David Coppotelli
Dealing with a Toxic Covert Narcissist after a Breakup. Go Contact stay No Contact stay Silent. Its been almost 17 months of not a word from her since I exposed her for who she really is and what she is all about. Please Go Be Someone Else PROBLEM. Peace and Quiet and $$$$$$$$. No Stress No BS No Future Faking or Being Taken for Granted and Used. Consider yourself very Lucky if you got away.
PolubieniePolubienie
Get Stronger Boundaries – Your Moral Philosophy Will Protect You (Richard Grannon)
CPTSD Recovery Fortress Mental Health
176,259 views May 21, 2020
Time Turner Art Studio
I can’t believe this is 2 years old. This is by far THE BEST description of why we need boundaries AND HOW to set them. I needed this so bad right now. So bad. Thank you Richard and bless you for sharing. 💚🙏
Julie Morlin
After years of therapy that didnt really help, you have given me the tools to go from surviving to thriving. Thank you doesn’t convey the depths of my gratitude Richard . You’re a legend !
PolubieniePolubienie
Narcissists Kill Love! Reclaim Your Authentic Self, Untangle Codependency (Belgrade Grannon 2021)
RICHARD GRANNON
177,826 views Premiered Dec 20, 2021
Shani OM
This is excellent. We codependents absolutely weaponize our misery… our victimhood. It’s a manipulation tactic we learned as abused and/or neglected children to get our needs met. It is indeed our responsibility to grow up & embrace our authentic selves, who we are before & beyond our traumas. The risk of rejection is worth the reward of a healthy adult life. Thank you most sincerely for using your experience & insights to help others. You are a blessing.
Sally Sorbello
I am doing this right now…..replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity, directing my energy to those who truly love and respect me……and loving my time alone and my re-energized enthusiastic laughing self I was born to be. Thank you Richard. 💕
How To Find Trust After Narcissistic Abuse
RICHARD GRANNON
32,403 views Streamed live on Apr 3, 2023
From my youtube community page: „Question: How do you ever fully trust people again? I can see narcissistic traits like neon signs, but that doesn’t make everyone a narcissist. But my brain screams, „WARNING!!!” and I just never get close to people anymore. It makes me sad because I was so into humans before. I just loved them.”
Nat Reimnitz
The damage is unimaginable. It’s complete mind fuckery. The hardest part is honestly having children with someone like this as there is no limit to what they will do for control.
Mario
After finally learning to trust myself, what I find most disturbing/upsetting are the hidden agendas and manipulation I can detect in SO many people. It’s everywhere now.
DiAnne Cooper
I told him he was being mean. He said „Yes I know, and I didn’t care!” They absolutely know what they’re doing.
Louise Garner
Same, it’s their sadistic side they’re super attached to.😏👈
Marina Rerich
I searched for the answer why he doesn’t care? How can it be? I see three reasons why my narcissistic husband „didn’t care” about my feelings. Lack of self awareness is if you are not aware how your behavior influences people around you. It’s reason number one. He doesn’t really get it. Not to 100 percent. They have real problems with causation. The awareness muscle is atrophied, because it was no longer used.
Reason number two. Lack of empathy. He understands that you are sad, because of him being mean. He doesn’t feel it. He has no feeling tool. He understands, because he observed people or red in the book, that they can get sad. But there is no emotional resonance with your sadness at all. The third thing. Emotional disregulation. Compulsive meanness. They do care, not about your feelings, but how they look to the people, behaving horrible, mostly if someone is present and sees their abuse or if they know that you will tell other meaningful people about their behavior. Very often they simply cannot control themselves, reacting very meanly or raging about neutral things.
Louise Garner
@Marina Rerich Well said, you’ve put alot of thought into it all, thanks for sharing! 💞 They’re like addicts, they feel better about themselves when they put another down it raises them up temporarily so they repeat it, looking for a fix of pleasure in another’s pain and they lie about it to maintain their facade. If you tell them they hurt you they know it’s working. It’s best to act indifferent and get away from them to reduce it. Big hugs xx 💕🤗✌️
PolubieniePolubienie
How I Overcame Narcissistic Abuse
RICHARD GRANNON
219,638 views Mar 11, 2015
Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 „How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath”
Jayne Hathaway
One really great thing about your videos, they’re anxiety reducing, and comforting in a way, for me anyway. Aside from clearly articulating a lot of the unconscious thought processes that become our nature as the objects of abuse, when I watch them, I find myself thinking, there is at least SOMEONE out there who understands, instead of people telling me I’m crazy for analyzing human behavior. As you paralleled in the Matrix, most people live in the illusion.
Deborah Dayes
Willing participant….. When you said that, it hit me so hard inside. The first truth I’ve heard in months. I get your point, even in the perspective of my will being somewhat corrupted. Yet I KNEW that the crazy behaviour was not acceptable in any circumstance. Still I stayed or kept going back (for 36 years!)
You have helped me so much in the last few days. More than my therapist who is treating a victim. Enough BS. Time to get on. Stronger and wiser. Thanks so much. Your style of communicating is refreshing.
E Duran
I always get sleepy when I watch your videos not because I’m bored…absolutely not, but because I don’t feel alone. I feel safe and understood and so very relaxed. I hear you loud and clear yet I’m still stuck with a monster. It’s only a matter of time when I wake up. Thank you Richard for what you do!
uruContinuum
This really struck a chord with me, especially the red pill/blue pill analogy. Recovering is like a slow awakening process. What you think at the time is the most damaging thing is the relationship itself. With me, its the way your whole sense of self and how you view the world is where the damage is. Its hard to commit to life again after something like this- to get back to a sense of normality and wholeness. I’d really appreciate it if you could do a video on this. I know its a very individual process but I feel like I’ve hit a wall and I’m stuck, unable to move forward. Is it a matter of patience, or are there practical things that might help? Thanks! By the way „you’ve got to elevate your CONSCIOUSNESS!” – right on 🙂
PolubieniePolubienie
Get Parasite Narcissist Out of Your Colonized Mind
Prof. Sam Vaknin
32,116 views May 22, 2023 Victims and Victimhood
WATCH Narcissist Entrains Codependent, Borderline: Brainwash, Regulate, Repeat
WATCH How to Individuate, Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
WATCH Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: First Separate, Individuate
The shared fantasy results in a mass psychogenic illness affecting both members of the couple as well as in the victim’s prolonged grief disorder.
This is because the grooming phase involves the induction of a trans or pseudo-hypnotic dissociative state in the suggestible targets: amnesia, depersonalization, derealization (gaslighting), and fantasy (paracosm).
The abuser entrains („brainwashes”) the abused party’s mind and deploys intermittent reinforcement, approach-avoidance, trauma bonding, and abuse in all its forms to effect a transfer of regulatory functions from the victim to himself.
The entrainment of the abuser’s intimate partner consists of the reorganization of her mind so that it generates nonautonomous cognitions and emotions („artefacts”) intended to make sense of the shared fantasy. These linger long after it is over.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Z. S
Honestly I’m so grateful for my ex narc fiancé. Without him I wouldn’t discover this content. The abuse lasted only two months when I opened my eyes it felt like I was in a coma and by your help understanding what happened exactly and how the brain was colonised is the final piece for healing. I recognised all his predatory behaviours and „myself” in what you said and how my emotions and mood did depend on him. But thanks to the awful two months I discover Prof Sam. This is great material. Greetings from Morocco.
Rona Vz
you are lucky that you managed to escape 2 months later. I had the same issue, 3 months after the relationship with my ex narc fiancé, i knew something was wrong with him, I couldnt ever fully understand it or verbalize it. I looked up online, and I wrote on qoura. When i saw narcissim, I though it couldnt be him, i couldnt relate because he was a covert vulnerable narcissit/borderline. congitively empathic, a dark empath. I ended up staying in the r/s for a year and half trying to risque him! the damage was immense; it took me years, I havent fully recovered up-till this day!
Z. S
@Rona Vz Hope you get to recover soon. Mine was also a covert narc and I was in denial that he could be a narc it just didn’t seem real. I noticed the red flags from how he treated his mother and nothing was his fault. Just after the engagement the mask fell out and I felt like I was losing my identity (I allowed that to avoid conflict) and was in an internal fight with myself I told him so and his answer was „when two are in love they become one mind” now it makes sense 😅. He hijacked my brain to the point he sometimes knew what I was thinking about. This video is great knowing that my then brain was his !! Now I can shut his voice down and listen to mine thanks to Prof. Vaknin.
Jamie S
It’s so fascinating and crazy! Reminds me of when I finally broke off the relationship for good, and I told my friend, who I’d previously confided in about how bad it had gotten. I was telling her how guilty I felt for leaving him, and she says “Jamie, you had to let a part of yourself DIE to stay in that relationship. Literally die. Don’t you remember him waking you up in the middle of the night to freak out on you?” And at that moment, I realized I had completely blocked it out. I had totally forgotten. How does that happen?? The lack of control, the memory lapses…It’s insanity, and it’s very real.
Jordan Ferguson
Happy for you. And yes, it’s bizarre. I’ve been going through something similar, although the sinking feeling is gone and I’m actually happy, I sometimes get flashbacks. They’re very short. They always make me say, ‚hey shit, I forgot I said that/that happened’.
PolubieniePolubione przez 1 osoba
Separate, Individuate: Silence Abusers in Your Mind
Nothingness: Antidote to Narcissism
4,740 views Mar 3, 2022
Also watch „Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind”
SECRET Reason Narcissist Devalues, Discards YOU
How Narcissist Steals Your Unconscious, Lures YOU into His Nightmare World
Michelle Meiburg
The church has been programming this
Thou Art Matildafox
Omigod! I don’t need therapy then. I need an excorcism to extract his soul from me. I’m possessed with the narcissists spirit!
Rachel Lewis
Wow! Mind blowing 🤯. This has been the most helpful explanation of the long term effects of narcissistic abuse I have heard. I’ve been trying to figure out wtf went on, feeling guilty, stupid and hopeless. Thank you both so much 🙏
PolubieniePolubione przez 1 osoba
Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind
Prof. Sam Vaknin
103,409 views Jan 20, 2022 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
Narcissist’s introject muted, yours active and vociferous. Narcissist theatre play: he scripts and directs, you act and prop (external locus of control). Current advice wrong, freezes emergent roles and, therefore, locus.
Reverse the roles: you script and direct, he acts and is a prop, whether he is physically present or not (introject). Own the narcissist by appropriating his roles and then constellate/integrate the parts. Separation-individuation on the road to recovery and healing.
brown eyes
I agree with you. Because the narcissit continously oversteps your boundaries time and time again, you begin to merge and the lines become blurred. In the end you dont know who you are and what you even stand for. Your selfhood is so far gone that you don’t remember the last time you felt autonomous. The narcissit dismantles you and rearranges you so the parts don’t fit anymore how they used to. You will walk around like a zombie, an empty shell, a person without any substance, aimless, without goal only to be told by your narcissit that you are boring, old, ageing, lifeless, when this is how they rearranged you. This zombie, outer body experience feels very borderline. You may slowly begin to think you have BPD. You will cease to live and merely exist. You will feel the end of your life. After a long time in a narcissitic relationship, you may start to see other changes to yourself. Things that you once you enjoyed you will not enjoy as much. This is more the reason for them to call you boring. At this point you dont know what is real and what is not so you will take on board the narcs criticisms of you and believe them to be real. ‚Its true, I have become boring’ you will think. This furthers you down the rabbit hole. Now you will feel crap about yourself for becoming boring and wonder if you are even deserving of the narc because he is fun whilst you are boring you will think. You should know that this is the start of the evil spirit getting into your head. He will create these character dichotomy between you and him in ever so subtle ways that will make you believe you are the ‚problem.’ After chronic narc abuse, I noticed that I my senses, particularly my hearing became very very sensitive. I just liked quiet and low volume music. I just couldn’t take loud music and bass anymore. I used to feel overwhelmed in my brain. My heart beat and rhythm became ultra sensitive to bass. A discomfort would sweep over me a I would just want to jump out of my body and just leave it. Noise use to affect me. I was becoming anxious. The narc ofcourse would call me boring and a party pooper etc.
Kirsti Bird
You describe the scenario with such accuracy. I felt very small and like I’d been put in the corner. And yes, muted. Kindness and humour were reserved for others while I was the dumping ground for rage and paranoia. A deep sense of loss and betrayal. So confusing and completely devastating to my sense of self, which is taking ever so long to reestablish. What a helpful video, thank you! 🙏
Hatori Hanzo!
Sounds pretty demonic to me. The narcissist was a loser from the beginning, red flags everywhere, my fault for giving him a chance. Lesson learned. Done ✅
PolubieniePolubienie
Why Narcissist Can’t Get You Out of His Mind? (Introject Constancy)
Prof. Sam Vaknin
51,942 views Jul 31, 2022 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
Watch this first: Narcissist First Discards You in His Mind, Then in Reality
Why Narcissist Hoovers, Replaces YOU
During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist’s attempts to hand over to you the introject (snapshot) that represents you in his mind, imbuing it with negativity (devaluation). It never works owing to the narcissist’s introject constancy (intended to allay his abandonment anxiety/separation insecurity) and to his repetition compulsion.
lulzaccount
I am so glad that these videos and knowledge are out in the open for free. More and more I understand my ex-girlfriend whose behavior was shocking me to the core. I broke up with her when she disrespected me in a very painful way. First I was angry and confused, then I learned about NPD and was angry at myself for ignoring the red flags. Now it makes me sad. Why NPD is so difficult to treat?
Jennifer Orozco
Because individuals with NPD are completely unable of introspection. Their defense mechanisms to avoid such are so incredibly hardwired that it makes them nearly impossible to treat, if not completely.
In order to change and become a healthy person you’ve got to be self aware and accept you’re wrong sometimes and take accountability. They are just not capable of doing so. Utterly emotionally stunted.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. For us neurotypicals is traumatizing to grasp this concept but radical acceptance is necessary to not prolong the misery they bring and how it breaks you. One day at the time pal..
Marti Walsh
This makes so much sense. I could never get my ex to see that I was NOT disrespecting him, that I was NOT trying to hurt him and never had. He continued to believe his inner image of me no matter how many years I spent proving those accusations wrong.
Tara Arrington
It’s like this with narcissist I think because they think a certain way so they don’t understand that we can think differently than them it’s projection
Mariella
@Tara Arrington they think that everyone is like them.
Narc Hark
Sometimes it’s their delusions and to obtain an emotional response/fuel. The accusations seem often to be confessions about the very things they do themselves so they accuse you instead of taking responsibility.
Tara Arrington
@Narc Hark yes it’s projection. Just whatever they projected you be sure not to own it or absorb it and then it has nowhere to land it has to go right back to them.
PolubieniePolubienie
SECRET Reason Narcissist Devalues, Discards YOU
Prof. Sam Vaknin
148,672 views Feb 24, 2022 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The entire relationship with the narcissist is intended to recreate the dynamics of the conflict with the narcissist’s mother during his formative years – but this time around with a different outcome and different power matrix: successful separation-individuation via the twin acts of devaluation and discard from an empowered position.
How does the narcissist attempt to bring these outcomes about?
In narcissistic abuse, the narcissist acts as a ventriloquist: he animates the internal object that represents the victim and misattributes to it his own voice (self-gaslighting via attribution error).
The external object (the actual partner) is erased and supplanted by an introject which acts as a self-object or object representation.
The narcissist also usurps the roles of harsh inner critic, sadistic superego, and rigid conscience in his victim.
Using entraining, the narcissist takes over the victim’s ego boundary functions and becomes her external locus of control. He assigns to her the roles of victim and mother in his script.
Ashley G
Wow! This is just brilliant! It all makes so much sense now. There’s so much I have to say regarding this, but at the same time I’m at a loss for words. Unless someone has experienced narcissistic abuse, they will never understand the damage it does to the victims.
Bryan
I felt the same, eyes wide open now.
Expose Narcissist’s Secret Speech
Prof. Sam Vaknin
373,708 views Feb 21, 2021 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The narcissist’s communication is a cipher, it is coded. Here are two simple rules: 1. The narcissist is never sad – and always mad (at you) and bad; and 2. When the narcissist says „I am bad” (is ostensibly repentant), he means to say „I am afraid” (of the consequences of his actions)
Envelope: reasonable, flexible/compromising, socially-acceptable, commonsensical
Hidden/occult coded message which triggers (pushes buttons) based on shared past experiences and speech acts
Hidden not accessible or comprehensible, so people tend to think that something is wrong with you when you try to share it and enlighten them
Techniques:
Countrtfactuality or non-facticity: big picture agreed, now to the details (shared psychosis)
Victim stance and language never mind what you do or say, you are always the abuser (role): comfort zone, projective identification
Projection because imagined victimhood is confabulated: encouraging ego dystony, shame, guilt tripping, self doubt
Gaslighting via equivocation (“maybe”), challenge to reality testing, rewriting history
Hostility disguised as formality
Manipulativeness and coercion, provocation
Ignoring you and your input/requests
Malingering, procrastination
Perfectionism
Forgetfulness
Neglect
Truancy
intentional inefficiency
stubbornness
pseudo-stupidity
outright sabotage
Use lawyers to respond
Palindromic Speech
There are three types of manipulative speech:
Victim
Child
Psychopathic
Lying and Confabulating
Abusing Speech Acts: Three Examples
Big Picture Evasiveness
Alloplastic Defenses and Shifting Blame
Passive-aggressive Gaslighting
No Reasoning with the Mentally Ill
Beverley Evans
This is so relatable. „The narcissist rewrites history” is very true sadly. They will not take any responsibility or accountability for their actions, they just jump straight on the defensive with threats, or self pity and guilt trips. They live in their own deluded world.
Sarah Silva
Narcissists don’t see people, they see opportunities.
Amelia
They manipulate you, lie to you, rage at you, ignore you, and verbally abuse you. You try to help them, empathize with them, and seek to understand them. You forgive a thousand transgressions. Eventually you become worn down by their abuse and neglect. Your empathy for them wanes and you slowly stop loving them or even liking them. They then accuse you of being cold and unloving. They claim that you never loved them and that you mistreat them. They do not see that you did indeed love them FOR YEARS and that THEY ruined that! They do not recognize how hard you tried or how much you gave. They only thing they see is their own feelings, their own suffering, their own hurt. The most selfish and callous people in the world.
Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU „Dead”) – Binary Narcissism
Prof. Sam Vaknin
229,060 views Dec 7, 2021 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The narcissist devalues you because you won’t freeze, play dead, and conform to your snapshot in his mind. This challenges his grandiosity and amplifies his separation insecurity (abandonment or separation anxiety).
But there is another reason: the narcissist wants you dead because he is already dead and it is lonely out there, in the void, in oblivion.
The narcissist prefers to be in dead relationships because he is utterly dead inside.
Being no more than a walking-talking corpse, the narcissist feels safe only in a cemetery.
The narcissist’s inability to give life and to partake in it is a major narcissistic injury and the fount of mortification.
So, he attempts to deaden his partner, assassinate her enthusiasm and joie de vivre, constrict her autonomy and exploratory spirit, and stunt her growth.
The narcissist is like rot or gangrene, spreading through his partner’s healthy parts until she is no more – like him, rendered an automaton with faulty programming.
One of the main vectors of attack is devaluation, both preemptive and reactive.
Narcissists transition from an overt state to a covert one via a process of collapse (systemic and prolonged failure to secure narcissistic supply).
But some narcissists remain stuck in the interim period and create a binary system: a sadistic, grandiose overt which dominates and humiliates the covert self-state, acting as a kind of harsh inner critic gone awry. More:
The overt subpersonality is in charge of sustaining the grandiosity cognitive distortion by interacting with potential sources of supply. But it then colludes with them and weaponizes them to further depress the covert.
Aware of the role of the overt as a fifth column or a Trojan horse, the covert pseudoidentity preemptively devalues everyone the overt is in touch with, defanging them this way and denying them the ability to cause narcissistic injury.
As distinct from reactive devaluation, the preemptive variant is solely interiorized, a part of the passive-aggressive arsenal of the covert.
The covert also easily gets bored and loses interest (decathects) in various undertakings in order to deny the overt the opportunities to be in touch with people and turn them against the covert.
Azania🌍
When I started being devoid of all emotions he loved it. He really killed my spirit and personality and he enjoyed every minute of dragging me to the shadow lands with him. He turned me into himself.
Jessica 2013
It’s the most aganozing torture of the soul , its like they have reached in and taken everything. I feel like I am starting over again.I have lost my self , to him , he’s taken me . 🙏 namaste.
wanda H
I can tell you the fury they harbor can last decades, especially if you successfully escaped and are alive and well. I can also tell you the death rate of these people is high. It’s as if they wanted you dead so badly, it killed them instead. Twenty years later and the energy spent hating on you is still intense. Honestly it’s going to kill them. I’m watching it now. You cant go the distance if you’re chronically angry and depressed. Get out. The sooner the better. You will gain immeasurably if you only gather the courage. Make a plan, and tell no one to avoid sabotage.
PolubieniePolubienie
How Narcissist Steals Your Unconscious, Lures YOU into His Nightmare World
Prof. Sam Vaknin
63,979 views Feb 2, 2022 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The narcissist induces in you a dream state by entraining you, takes over your unconscious, mirrors you as loving mother would, inserts himself as an intractable introject in your mind.
When you cry for help, no one gives it because the narcissist is nobody and „nobody is killing you” (like in the story of Ulysses and the Cyclops).
Hodders
The narcissistic lobotomy, you end up just staring out of a window with no thoughts, no emotion, you just shut down. It’s hard to wake up.
Hodders
@Joe Greene yes in this state even your memory is hard to access.
Smith Hamilton
Staring blankly at the wall or lying in complete darkness occurred far too often.
Monique RodriguezFeoGruber
Oooh, so accurate. That is exactly what they do. It’s a mind rape.
Taralynne Monroe
mindfuck is the devil .
Resist When Narcissist Triggers Your Inner Voices (Death, God, Life Introjects)
Prof. Sam Vaknin
68,233 views Mar 9, 2022 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The narcissist implants his introjects (voices) in your mind, using abusive entraining. His voices, in turn, trigger your voices. Here is a map of the narcissist’s voices in your mind (D=Death, L=Life, G=God). First letter is his voice in your mind – second letter is your voice triggered by his voice in your mind:
D L (his narcissistic abuse-your survival instincts)
G G (his and your narcissistic defenses)
L D (his narcissistic abuse in order to separate-individuate, your self-sacrifice)
Death voice: You are not lovable, unworthy, inadequate, failure, better off dead.
Can be loved and deserving of life only if perfect (impossible)
Terrified of failure (performance anxiety), the narcissist rejects, disowns, sabotages, and avoids all aspects of life, rendering himself invulnerable by being dead within and without as a form of rigid, proud, defiant, sadistically self-punitive and self-denying ideology. S/he acts entitled and contemptuous (e.g., celibate).
He gives up on and denies his body, health, sex, romance, intimacy, all positive emotions, relationships, family, academic degrees, career, country, language, success, reputation, business, social life, fans, and friends.
With nothing left to take, death voice is appeased and ameliorated by my proximity to actual death, its mission accomplished and it is placated, content to let me decay and decompose inertly.
God voice: Grandiose, magical thinking, my mental illness (cruel false self) eroded by reality (injuries, mortifications).
Life voice: Creativity and cooperation are intermittent, haphazard, corroded by aging and is often too late, failing the narcissist amid cognitive decline.
Csaba Radnai
Man, you are brilliant! My mother had been poisoning my life since my childhood. After she finally and succesfully killed my soul, my inner world turned out to be toxic. I tried to explain to shrinks, whom I visit, that how I felt. I felt that my thoughts had been changed to my mother’s ideas. She moved to my head, forcing out my own attitude, replacing them her sick way of thinking. During my life I heard my mother’s sick sentences all the time. I knew that they were dark, fearful, jelaous thoughs, but I wasnt affraid of them. I didnt believe that they could do any harm of me. I observed them with a mixture of sorry and disgust. The last thing I thought that I could ever be infected by her emptiness. Now I have realized that this was a poison penetrated slowly in my mind. So when I tried to explain to shrinks and psycholgist that I felt I „had learnt” my mother’s poisonous attitude and I started to poison my own life, somehow internalised her, I offered this description as a metaphor. Listening to you it turned out that it is not a metapore. This is reality. It somehow clarifies what happened, but terrifies me at the same time. Because it doesnt only feel like she revrite my mind, she actually did it. You have said many times that dealing with a narcissists is a matter of life or death. I realized how true and painful this sentence is.
Nicky C
I was with a Narcissit for 35yrs. I left and for the last 5yrs I have been on a journey of rediscovering myself. I have been listening to your videos for about 2yrs. But this particular video…words can not describe what I felt as I listened to your lecture. All those years I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t crazy. Thank you Prof. Vaknin. Thank you for sharing your brilliant insight with the world. Your voice has given understanding and clarity to something that I could not comprehend and I am grateful to you for that.
Linda Robertson
Thank you Sam, for your insight on managing the echoes of the narcissist. It has been over two years since I totally disconnected from mine, and I’m still triggered whenever I make a mistake. I always envision her laughing at my misfortune and shaming me for being stupid. It was only after hearing you speak of this, and how to correct it, that I was able to quiet the voice that was torturing me. Peace.
wiser125
I have lived everything you have described. Even before I understood specifically what you have identified here, I knew the dynamics of my 40-year husband had changed dramatically and dangerously, and I left immediately and went no contact (thank you for that early advice!). It has been five years and I am surviving and thriving thanks to your amazing professional advice! ❤️
Raven Raven
Wow. This actually sounds like what happens to the victims of narcissistic abuse. After years of abuse this is what happens to the victims.
Amy Mat
Fight back by sticking to your own voice 💕
PolubieniePolubienie
Narcissist Uses You (Starts 16:20): Unfinished Mommy Splitting
Prof. Sam Vaknin
97,647 views Oct 21, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
Topic Starts 16:20. In early childhood, borderlines and narcissists fail to split the “dead mother” into good and bad objects or “breasts” (because she is all bad), so they split themselves instead (into a true self which is all bad, and a false self which is all good).
The narcissist tries to complete the early failed maternal splitting with his intimate partner (repetition compulsion) in three stages: 1. She is all good (idealization), he is all bad; 2. Co-idealization (if she is good, he must be good, too); and 3. Introjection (internalization/incorporation of the partner) which render him all good.
The narcissist constantly tests his intimate partner in order to make sure that she is, indeed, all good (an outcome of post-traumatic hypervigilance).
When she invariably and inevitably fails his tests, he reverses course: she is now all bad. To avoid narcissistic injury to his grandiose false self and to avoid co-devaluation – he discards her promptly.
Notme
I always find that these people have expectations. When they aren’t met the lose it. They live in a fantasy. If reality doesn’t line up with what they thought should happen. They just cannot handle it.
The should of could of would of. I think everyone has experienced this from a narcissist.
no0dleismine
You could use the story of Frankenstein compared to a narcissistic mother and her child. As Dr. Frankenstein created the monster, brought him into being as a living creature with no core self. Then abandoned the monster to live all alone with his empty core but, still driven by the need for connection and love.
Narcissist=Insane? You, Envy, Withdrawal, Loner Narcissist
Prof. Sam Vaknin
63,322 views Oct 11, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
My academic work in psychology, psychiatry, neuroscience, mental health: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/med…
Envy is the hallmark of narcissism and the prime source of what is known as narcissistic rage. The schizoid self – fragmented, weak, primitive – is intimately connected with narcissism through envy. Narcissists prefer to destroy themselves and to deny themselves rather than endure someone else’s happiness, wholeness and „triumph”.
The narcissist fail his exams in order to frustrate the teacher he adores and envies. He aborts his therapy in order not to give the therapist a reason to feel gratified. By self-defeating and self-destructing, narcissists deny the worth of others. If the narcissist fails in therapy – his analyst must be inept. If he destroys himself by consuming drugs – his parents are blameworthy and should feel guilty and bad. One cannot exaggerate the importance of envy as a motivating power in the narcissist’s life.
The psychodynamic connection is obvious. Envy is a rage reaction to not controlling or „having” or engulfing the good, desired object. Narcissists defend themselves against this acidulous, corroding sensation by pretending that they do control, possess and engulf the good object. This are the narcissist’s „grandiose fantasies (of omnipotence or omniscience)”.
But, in doing so, the narcissist must deny the existence of any good outside himself. The narcissist defends himself against raging, all consuming envy – by solipsistically claiming to be the only good object in the world. This is an object that cannot be had by anyone, except the narcissist and, therefore, is immune to the narcissist’s threatening, annihilating envy.
In order to refrain from being „owned” by anyone (and, thus, avoid self-destruction in the hands of his own envy), the narcissist reduces others to „non-entities” (the narcissistic solution), or completely avoids all meaningful contact with them (the schizoid solution).
The suppression of envy is at the core of the narcissist’s being. If he fails to convince his self that he is the only good object in the universe, he is bound to be exposed to his own murderous envy. If there are others out there who are better than him, he envies them, he lashes out at them ferociously, uncontrollably, madly, hatefully and spitefully, he tries to eliminate them.
If someone tries to get emotionally intimate with the narcissist, she threatens the grandiose belief that no one but the narcissist can possess the good object (that is the narcissist himself). Only the narcissist can own himself, have access to himself, possess himself. This is the only way to avoid seething envy and certain self-annihilation. Perhaps it is clearer now why narcissists react as raving madmen to anything, however minute, however remote that seems to threaten their grandiose fantasies, the only protective barrier between themselves and their lethal, seething envy.
Dog Training Anytime
Thank you ! This is so hard to truly believe someone who shows emotions says words so beautiful and yet you hit every point and I allowed it 6 years . He met me after I lost my daughter and everything else I owned .
I look back and wonder how can I go forward and make sure not to re attract this or ill not survive . I don’t understand how come they don’t see the extreme change in personality or how they break up come back and repeat over and over with zero blame . Just horrific for all
Deirdre
Your point on cultism is well taken. What you have observed in these so called gurus and public speakers such as Joel Osteen, the pastor here in the US, is that the fawning followers are not able to think for themselves and god forbid if you were to disagree with such a popular figure. There purpose ultimately is to extract money and emotion from us to keep on their upward tragectory. This is why I have a problem with the dogma of the church.
PolubieniePolubienie
Silencing/Denying Your Pain (Starts 16:10): Betrayal Trauma, Blindness
Prof. Sam Vaknin
104,851 views Oct 18, 2020 Abuse in Relationships with Narcissists and Psychopaths
Topic starts 16:10 Betrayal trauma and betrayal trauma blindness (Jennifer Freyd et al.) in BTT (Betrayal Trauma Theory)
When you cannot or are not allowed to express your experience of trauma and abuse, breach of trust, negative emotions, and profound betrayal by someone you depend on in any crucial way.
Such denial and repression lead to dissociation and a host of long-term mental health disorders.
Tests and treatments are reviewed.
Michele Reynolds
One of the many narcissists that was formerly in my life invalidated my emotions, as narcissists do, and made everything about him. A lot of gaslighting, verbal abuse, pushing me to the point of exhaustion and anger until I would erupt emotionally, which is exactly what he wanted so he could play the victim. I woke up and left this person but the trauma remains.
PrismBranding: Real Estate Branding
I was betrayed several times by my mother throughout my childhood. After each betrayal she would return and pick up our relationship exactly where it left off prior to the betrayal as if it never happened. She has total amnesia of most of these events. She even would try to subconsciously convince me that it never happened by asking me „why are you upset with me” as if she didn’t know. Perhaps she really did block it out of her own memory. Who knows.
Zima
THANK YOU! Finally someone spoke up about this. I am not a cryer, but, damn, do I want to just punch a person saying „smile” to me. I am not your effing comfort blankie to appease you with my face expression. Also, often it sounds short of victim blaming, when you are told to not express how someone’s mistreatment made you feel hurt. Pretty equal to telling a rape victim „well, you shouldn’t have worn a short skirt -no wonder this happened”.
Slim Dusty
Thank you Sam for introducing me to theory of betrayal trauma. As an ex cult member i feel as if i may relate to things discussed within this video. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us
How Narcissist Dupes, Lures YOU Into Shared Fantasy
Prof. Sam Vaknin
92,283 views Jan 10, 2021 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
SF=Shared Fantasy AND Science Fiction. From androids to actroids, affective computing to the Turing Test, uncanny valley to same-race bias, mimicry to symbiosis – learn how the narcissist dupes and lures you into his shared fantasy.
Pollyana defenses (naive, gullible, counterfactual): base rate fallacy (everyone is telling the truth most of the time), people are good.
Malignant optimism: exceptionalism („he is not that bad”), savior complex („I am going to save, fix, and heal him”).
This is a universal delusion: we have no access to other minds, but we develop a theory of mind via mentalization, adhere to the intersubjectivity agreement, and pretend that empathy gets it right.
From „Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited”:
„Narcissists and psychopaths use cold empathy to fake the full-fledged kind and emotions.
The weaker variety of narcissist tries to emulate and simulate „emotions” – or, at least their expression, the external facet (affect). They mimic and replicate the intricate pantomime that they learn to associate with the existence of feelings. But there are no real emotions there, no emotional correlate.
This is empty affect, devoid of emotion. This being so, the narcissist quickly tires of it, becomes impassive and begins to produce inappropriate affect (e.g., he remains indifferent when grief is the normal reaction). The narcissist subjects his feigned emotions to his cognition. He „decides” that it is appropriate to feel so and so. His „emotions” are invariably the result of analysis, goal setting and planning.
He substitutes „remembering” for „sensing”. He relegates his bodily sensations, feelings and emotions to a kind of a memory vault. The short and medium-term memory is exclusively used to store his reactions to his (actual and potential) Narcissistic Supply Sources.
He reacts only to such sources. The narcissist finds it hard to remember or recreate what he ostensibly – though ostentatiously – „felt” (even a short while back) towards a Narcissistic Supply Source once it has ceased to be one. In his attempts to recall his feelings, he draws a mental blank.
It is not that narcissists are incapable of expressing what we would tend to classify as „extreme emotional reactions”. They mourn and grieve, rage and smile, excessively „love” and „care”. But this is precisely what sets them apart: this rapid movement from one emotional extreme to another and the fact that they never occupy the emotional middle ground.
The narcissist is especially „emotional” when weaned off his drug of Narcissistic Supply. Breaking a habit is always difficult – especially one that defines (and generates) oneself. Getting rid of an addiction is doubly taxing. The narcissist misidentifies these crises with an emotional depth and his self-conviction is so immense, that he mostly succeeds to delude his environment, as well. But a narcissistic crisis (losing a Source of Narcissistic Supply, obtaining an alternative one, moving from one Narcissistic Pathological Space to another) – must never be confused with the real thing, which the narcissist never experiences: emotions.
Many narcissists have „emotional resonance tables”. They use words as others use algebraic signs: with meticulousness, with caution, with the precision of the artisan. They sculpt in words the fine tuned reverberations of pain and love and fear. It is the mathematics of emotional grammar, the geometry of the syntax of passions. Devoid of all emotions, narcissists closely monitor people’s reactions and adjust their verbal choices accordingly, until their vocabulary resembles that of their listeners. This is as close as narcissists get to empathy.”
HelotesHellRaiser
I was trapped in the Savior position with my narcissist it was a total waste of time. Accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can and wisdom to know it’s you. The only thing you’ll ever change is yourself
jacqueline
Amazing and true, you can only change yourself, your thinking, your position or it will drive you batty 😥
Phuong Dao
This video is a masterpiece but only the victims of narcissists understand it😢
Hidden Gypsy
Your best video yet! Everything you say here solidifies the fact that I’ve been dealing with a machine, a robot an empty shell. Terrifying that these type of “people” roam the world. Terrifying!!! Narcissist steal your identity, steal your soul & leave you confused, lost & totally unsure of what is real and what is not. When interacting with a narcissist, which I have been for the last 5 years in a work relationship – not sexual, I have lived ALL of the things you say here in this video. I am trying to get myself, my identity, my soul, my body, my life, & my reality back! Everything you say about covert narcissist hits me hard and I have been living in this nightmare for 5 years! I’m trying to escape. These videos have helped me immensely – thank you!
PolubieniePolubienie
Narcissistic Mortification: From Shame to Healing via Trauma, Fear, and Guilt
Prof. Sam Vaknin
123,189 views May 8, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
Full text here: http://samvak.tripod.com/faq01.html
Narcissistic mortification, is, therefore, a sudden sense of defeat and loss of control over internal or external objects or realities, caused by an aggressing person or a compulsive trait or behavior. It produces disorientation and terror (distinct from anticipatory fear).
The entire personality is overwhelmed by impotent ineluctability and a lack of alternatives (inability to force objects to conform or to rely on their goodwill). Mortification reflects the activity of infantile strategies of coping with frustration or repression (such as grandiosity) and their attendant psychological defense mechanisms (for example, splitting, denial, or magical thinking).
LUDMILA124
If you spend years with a narc and get educated you become an expert on the subject. I got to a point where I knew the right buttons to push and what to do to manipulate him. I started to be scared of myself 😂 dispute of all that we are all victims somehow and life after a Narc can be emotionally hard for a while.
Keeley Kobobel
Right… going to the dark side🤣… It kinda messed me up too
Narcissist’s False Self: Primates, Perverts, Serpents, God
Prof. Sam Vaknin
45,770 views Sep 11, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The False Self, first described by Donald Winnicott, is not a new insight. Neither is narcissism. They both have been described and referred to in myths, religious writings, and literature.
Dorian Morgenstern
This video is a master piece. I’m mind-blowed. The Von Franz’s extract made me think about an analysis of the Hermann Hesse’s book Demian in a correspondence with Jung portraying Demian as the shadow of the main character Sinclair, a sort of Castor/Polux, Cain/Abel dynamic, the Immortal and the mortal twins.
At the same time I recalled the term malignant egophrenia used by Jack D. Forbes in his book Columbus and other Cannibals as well as Paul Levy in relation with a sort of psychic virus named wetiko used by indigenous people referring to the colonial mindset, that leads me to question if this separation of the self were imported and imposed since prehispanic or native people never viewed themselves as sinners nor with any shame or guilt considering this so called shadow by the old world’s Weltanschauung was already incorporated into their pantheons, where nothingness and mortification were embraced or were they still in the Adamic state you mention? I apologize if my English is not the best to articulate these concepts, Herr Doktor. My regards from Mexico.
Prof. Sam Vaknin
Yes, guilt and shame are definitely Judeo-Christian gifts or “gifts”. No one analyzed it better than Nietzsche.
PolubieniePolubienie
Masks of Sanity: Narcissist Mutations
Prof. Sam Vaknin
94,110 views Jun 28, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The psychopath wears the mask of sanity effectively – why can’t the narcissist? Because the narcissist is already wearing a mask (False Self, Wunderkind). Because the narcissist IS a mask.
Typologies and classifications of narcissists: Million, Westen, Kelly, Vaknin. Classic (Overt), Covert (Shy, Vulnerable, Fragile), Compensatory, Inverted (Narcissist Codependent), Somatic, Cerebral, and other subtypes.
Sophie
I absolutely agree with you that the narcissist does not appear normal to a normal healthy person. I recall introducing my friend to my ex covert narc and she visibly shrank from him in terror. I watched her and I looked at him through her eyes and he looked hard, cold, mean. Terrifying in fact. I recall various moments in time in which I would see him observing my emotional reaction and I could see him trying to work out what I was feeling. No they are not normal.
Kevin Smith
Wow! So so true. When i first met my ex narc i remember quiet alarm bells going off in my head. Something seemed just not quite right… but i took up with her anyway for the next four hellish baffling rolling in the mud years. If only i knew then what i know now
Narcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps
Prof. Sam Vaknin
437,381 views Nov 22, 2014 Abuse in Relationships with Narcissists and Psychopaths
Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq…
You have been abused, maltreated, harrassed, and stalked. You feel that you fell prey to a narcissist or psychopath. But, you must move on from victim to survivor.No one will or can do it for you: Not your therapist, not your best friend, not your nearest family. Only you can choose survival over victimhood.
Mel K.
00:08 – Your choice, your responsibility
00:42 – Abandon the abuser
01:46 – Move on, a process not an event
02:30 – Learning
03:23 – Grieving
04:15 – Grief phases
05:19 – Forgiveness and conflict
06:45 – Assess relationships periodically
07:23 – Can you remain friends?
08:31 – Stockholm syndrome
09:20 – Conditioning in abusive relationships
11:08 – Familiar, but not healthy attachment
Zizi Roberts
Abandon the narcissist.
Move on. It’s a process.
Educate yourself. (Knowledge is power.)
Do not hide, but seek.
Grieve the loss of innocence.
Grief has many stages.
Heal.
To forgive is not to forget.
Do not avoid adversity.
Confront it.
We must learn to love and trust again.
A narcissist needs to be supplied.
This shop is closed to those who cannot see beyond their own nose.
Thank you for uploading this.
Peace, happiness to all beings everywhere.
PolubieniePolubienie
7 Phases of Shared Fantasy: Why Narcissist Needs YOU
Prof. Sam Vaknin
81,703 views Aug 2, 2022 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
This is a summary of my shared fantasy-dual mothership framework for the narcissist’s intimate interpersonal relationships.
7 Stages of shared fantasy:
1. Co-Idealization (lovebombing, introject and narcissist all good because he owns object)
2. Dual mothership in a shared fantasy (recreation of childhood)
3. Need to reenact separation leads to mental discard which results in narcissistic injury (narcissist not omniscient, his judgment was wrong)
4. Devaluation of external object to restore grandiosity (make ego-congruent sense of the discard of an hitherto idealized object).
5. Devaluation of introject via splitting defense (introject now all-bad, narcissist grandiosely all-good)
6. Real life discard: projection of introject to you in an attempt to integrate it with external object. Projection-integration fails owing to abandonment anxiety triggered by introject inconstancy and your refusal to own split, all-bad introject. Devalued, split, all-bad introject remains as internal object, in narcissist’s mind. This creates anxiety (bad object internalization-introjection)
7. The only way to reintegrate this internal object and reduce anxiety is by re-idealizing the external object and the corresponding introject. This is impossible if the narcissist has been mortified. He then departs from his previous version and reinvents himself which allows for self-idealization (grandiosity restored).
Michelle schulman
Framework of „Shared Fantasy” concept of Nacissist within intimate and interpersonal relationships – to reexperience his childhood trauma „safely” – makes sense perfectly in his mind. Stages:
1. Coidealization – „Love bomb,” „idealization”: The narcissist gets you addicted to an idealized image of yourself (hall of mirrors), and in idealizing you, he idealizes himself whereby he „owns” a perfect object, you, in a form of a perfect snapshot, which he internalized, which makes him perfect. He interacts with this perfect „snapshot” of you, all good and perfect, never the real you.
2. Dual Mothership – You become a Substitute Mother in his mind – and in turn, he mothers you. He tests you with abuse and will you still idealize him? He idealizes you in turn and loves you unconditionally. Why? His own mother was bad, and he never got to separate from his own mother or individuate so he could not become an adult. This is his opportunity to get and give the good mothering he never got and to separate from you and realize his potential.
3. Undoubtedly he will begin to find fault with you, and fail you. The „Mental discard” comes first, which creates abandonment anxiety and narcissistic injury that he made a mistake choosing you!! His judgement was less than perfect.
4. In order to restore his sense of grandiosity and self worth, „Devaluation of the external object” occurs – you in real life – he looks at you in a new negative way – this restores his confidence in himself.
5. The problem remains that the Gap between the „snapshot” perfect image of you and the real devalued you – this divergence creates anxiety in the narcissist. So what does he do to rectify? He splits you. (Splitting defense good/bad, black/white, right/wrong, with me/ against me – „Dichotomous thinking”). To reconcile, He devalues your „snapshot” and as a result he can now see himself as all good. You are now the Enemy with no redeeming feature. He is grandiose and perfect now!! You are all bad, stupid, ugly etc…
6. The Discard – he still holds your devalued snapshot in his mind, only now he wants to give it back to you, a constant reminder of negative things. He wants you to agree to the terms of your devaluation as he sees it, and wants YOU to own it as bad and unworthy. „Codevaluation.” He usually fails. Introject constancy. He is emotionally invested in the introject. Desperate attempt to separate from you. This ulcer torments him. A negative internal object constantly reminds him of his imperfection.
7. Hoovering: reduces his anxiety, reidealizing you and reidealizing your snapshot….and now everything is perfect so he is perfect! But now separation has failed!
8. Next Partner – repetition compulsion –
9. Mortification breakdown – suicidal thoughts – restoration of all new identity
PolubieniePolubienie
Your Empathy as Narcissistic Injury: Narcissist Never Learns, No Insight
Prof. Sam Vaknin
206,009 views Aug 5, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
Narcissists are looking for partners to provide 3 SSs: Supply, Sex, Services. Narcissists couldn’t care less if you have a high level of empathy, a low, or none.
Empathy is a narcissistic injury: advice, help, support, sharing, expressing an interest (induces paranoia), and intimacy.
Life is a process of becoming via insight.
Insight creates empathy.
Empathy is the foundation of learning because it allows for comparison.
All three are impossible without access to emotions.
If you have access only to negative emotions you obtain cold empathy aimed at subsuming others, making them like you, avoiding growth and learning.
Where emotions are inaccessible, narcissists attempt to grasp others and themselves analytically. But such knowledge is like cramming for an exam: it is not assimilated or integrated. It dooms to compulsive repetition like some demented being or badly programmed machine in a loop. The same lessons are rediscovered with every mortification (to learn the narcissist must first decompensate, deactivate all his defenses).
Access to positive emotions guarantees full fledged empathy via insight and learning and generates growth.
Narcissist rejects help, advice because he knows that he is incorrigible.
He discourages intimacy because of his abandonment anxiety („if they see my true face”).
The narcissist reacts with aggression to any presumption of intimacy and rejects cruelly love and caring when offered to him (via sadistic frustration, withholding, rejection, and avoidance as well as active abuse). Such presumption of love implies equality, commonness, and knowability, challenges to his grandiosity.
Displays of emotions are fake, embarrassing.
„Empath”, „super-empath” – and, now, „(super)nova empath” – are self-aggrandizing labels used by covert narcissists online as they perpetuate and leverage their newfound eternal pro victim status to garner attention (and, sometimes, profit).
To prove my point conclusively, join the cesspits that pass for empath support forums and innocently dare to suggest that someone there is not an empath. Or that she may have had a role to play in the relationship (starting with her flawed mate selection).
You will instantly become the recipient of every form of abuse and malevolence known to man (or woman), far more egregious than anything you have ever endured from your narcissist. Nothing worse than the narcissistic or passive-aggression of covert narcissists (er, sorry, empaths).
Friendship
Men are prone to sexual overperception: they misinterpret many female gestures and behaviors as invitations to copulate then and there.
To be mere friends with a woman is perceived by many men as a narcissistic injury. When a woman rejects a man sexually or romantically and friendzones him, it implies that she has judged him to be of inferior quality, defective, inadequate, lacking, and has rejected him as as a potential lover, partner, spouse, and father.
Such injury can morph into narcissistic mortification if the woman offering friendship (friendzoning) used to be, at one time, the man’s date, spouse, or intimate partner and had dumped him in favor of another man with whom she has had sex (at times while cheating) or with whom she had later created a family.
Spiral Cat
„Howling winds in a hall of mirrors” is the loveliest description of narcissism I have ever heard
Misses Hippy
My metaphors were: shouting into space, screaming into an echo chamber, and the hall of mirrors
Katarina Tibai
I say a narc is a black hole – suck all energy in.
heidzilla
“Narcissism is a hopeless condition. It’s terminal. Terminal cancer of the soul.”
James Nock
Agree once you know what your dealing with you know your efforts are nothing but futile and a complete waste of time
Mourning Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse
Prof. Sam Vaknin
70,396 views Mar 15, 2023 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
When you break up with the narcissist, you literally fall apart. To end your grieving is to acknowledge and accept the loss of an object – but that object is YOU. You cannot get over your bereavement because you are mourning yourself.
At first, during the lovebombing and grooming phase, the narcissist offers you unconditional love, as a mother would. Then he idealizes you and causes you to become infatuated with your own idealized image. He invites you into a simulation, a paracosm, a shared fantasy where you merge/fuse into a single selfobject. Then he withdraws all these. He cancels YOU.
AquamarineDream
I survived the loss of self (post abandonment psychosis & catatonia, weee) by finding parts of my old self & creating a new, more functional one. I can’t begin to tell you how insane it was. It took at least 6 months for me to recover to a basically functional state. Very grateful for this growth experience because now I feel like I can handle whatever comes my way. I finally got to become completely whole.
Succulent Life
So happy!! This is the video that was the eye opener that took me from walking around in zombie circles to… this makes sense… there might be something bigger and a process here. I started remembering the things I loved before the three years and none seemed to matter, but as I forced myself to ride horse and try things, I regrew.
PolubieniePolubienie
Take These 4 Steps BEFORE Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse (with Daria Zukowska Clinical Psychologist)
Prof. Sam Vaknin
24,081 views Mar 27, 2023 Abuse in Relationships with Narcissists and Psychopaths
The narcissist’s voice is in your head. It will coopt and compromise your therapy – and, often, your therapist. Do this BEFORE you attend therapy for narcissistic abuse.
Daria Zukowka’s (clinical psychologist) channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCl_hm5r5Osb818eIB5t7j-g
Susan Thompson
🇺🇸 After years of therapy, I finally understand why I have remained stuck, why even after an abuser has died, their influence still remains. I have often thought of myself as a victim and can see how that, in itself, can keep me stuck. But, understanding I was victimized is empowering. I turned over my power to the narcissist, became an object and lost my sense of agency. This will never change unless I embrace the idea that I was victimized and allowed this to happen.
GH
This is so succinct. The aftermath and healing journey after a relationship with a narcissist is so complex. Prof Vaknin’s work is so specific and reflects exactly the horror of entering into such a relationship.
When I was in the midst of my relationship I asked my partner repeatedly to go to couples counselling together (he is also a psychotherapist 🤯) his response was alway…. ‘It won’t work, I will tell them what they want to hear’. Knowing what I know now, I’m glad I didn’t pursue this, it would have been yet another excruciating experience with this person. Prof Vaknin gives me hope, I’m almost 2 years out and still trying hard to heal.
Ian francis
The word here that most resonated with me and which was a wake up call was the word “Inactive” . My mothers mantra to my fathers domestic abuse was “ Just ignore it!” repeated throughout my entire early years growing up, i had no voice, was allowed no voice, So i learned to ignore abuse rather than learning how to healthily respond to abuse, and that was my inactivity and inability to act in this context , i fawned. Its all i knew
Phoenix
Trauma acts the same way (child abuse) : a part of your brain denies the abuse and so it is ignored in that way for you. Fear is fawned into people pleasing for protection in childhood by default. As an adult this default destroys relationships as you try n protest further predatory abuse, due to an inability to self regulate which was never taught/learned in childhood to have control over you/manipulate the child into chronic emotional and psychological suffering ie you continue to outsource self regulation as person continues to trust the abuser.
From Grooming to Discard via Shared Fantasy: Cheat, Mortify, Exit
Prof. Sam Vaknin
332,436 views Jun 5, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
LISTEN WELL, TAKE NOTES, and POSITION YOURSELF in the NARCISSIST’s CYCLE to PREDICT THE FUTURE and design COPING STRATEGIES!!!
In the first encounters, the narcissist assumes the role of the strict, ostensibly benevolent, but sadistic parent („tough love”) – or the hurt, petulant, entitled, self-centred, and sadistic child. As a parent, he is having sadistic incest. As a child, he is having masochistic incest. The inevitable cheating by the partner punishes the parent and mortifies the child, fostering personal development and growth as well as a creative spurt.
In the narcissist’s relationships OF ALL KINDS (romantic, business, „friendships”), there are five phases: grooming, shared fantasy, interstitial I (two options: exit or persist), mortification or anti-fantasy, and interstitial II.
Rosario Perez
Couldn’t agree with you more as I’ve been narc free 5 years and counting. The year we broke up I enter Narcissistic University. What a mind blowing discovery in what I was dealing with in the time we were together. Looking back on our relationship now with a real clear level head your understanding of manipulation is so very apparent. As an empathetic person you realize how fair abandonment can’t go to one’s life in the direction of what they decide on behavior. Thank you for all these years of helping me to understand toxic people.
PolubieniePolubienie
Destroy the Narcissist in Court: Divorce, Custody, and Aftermath
Prof. Sam Vaknin
119,693 views Dec 17, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
How to Divorce a Narcissist or a Psychopath – click on the links (they apply to all types of relationships with narcissistic or psychopathic abusers of both genders):
http://vaksam.tripod.com/5.html
http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse3.html
http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse18.html
http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse.html
http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily….
http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq1.html
Nobody Nothing
I am finally ready. I finally understand. I’m taking him down. And now, he will be fearful, of me. After all these years, I get it. Thank you Sam. You have helped me thru this journey immensely. The perspective you have is unique and unlike any other information out there on this topic. Truly fantastic work. Thank you.
PolubieniePolubienie
YOUR Aftermath as Your Narcissist’s Fantasy, Delusion, Matrix
Prof. Sam Vaknin
107,136 views Jun 30, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
At the commencement of the relationship, the Narcissist is a dream-come-true. He is often intelligent, witty, charming, good looking, an achiever, empathetic, in need of love, loving, caring, attentive and much more. He is, in other words, ideal. At first, the narcissist is too good to be true. Then, he is too true to be good.
It is difficult to let go of this idealized figure. Relationships with narcissists inevitably and invariably end with the dawn of a double realisation. The first is that one has been (ab)used by the narcissist and the second is that one was regarded by the narcissist as a disposable, dispensable and interchangeable instrument (object).
The assimilation of this new gained knowledge is an excruciating process, often unsuccessfully completed. People get fixated at different stages. They fail to come to terms with their rejection as human beings – the most total form of rejection there is.
We all react to loss. Loss makes us feel helpless and objectified. When our loved ones die – we feel that Nature or God or Life treated us as playthings. When we divorce (especially if we did not initiate the break-up), we often feel that we have been exploited and abused in the relationship, that we are being „dumped”, that our needs and emotions are ignored. In short, we again feel objectified.
Losing the narcissist is no different to any other major loss in life. It provokes a cycle of bereavement and grief (as well as some kind of mild post traumatic stress syndrome in cases of severe abuse). This cycle has four phases: denial, rage, sadness and acceptance.
Denial can assume many forms. Some go on pretending that the narcissist is still a part of their life, even going to the extreme of „interacting” with the narcissist by pretending to „communicate” with him or to „meet” him (through others, for instance).
Others develop persecutory delusions, thus incorporating the imaginary narcissist into their lives as an ominous and dark presence. This ensures „his” continued „interest” in them – however malevolent and threatening that „interest” is perceived to be. These are radical denial mechanisms, which border on the psychotic and often dissolve into brief psychotic micro-episodes.
More benign and transient forms of denial include the development of ideas of reference. The narcissist’s every move or utterance is interpreted to be directed at the suffering person, his ex, and to carry a hidden message which can be „decoded” only by the recipient.
Others deny the very narcissistic nature of the narcissist. They attribute his abusive conduct to ignorance, mischief, lack of self-control (due to childhood abuse or trauma), or benign intentions. This denial mechanism leads them to believe that the narcissist is really not a narcissist but someone who is not aware of his „true” being, or someone who merely and innocently enjoys mind games and toying with people’s lives, or an unwitting part of a dark conspiracy to defraud and abuse gullible victims.
Often the narcissist is depicted as obsessed or possessed – imprisoned by his „invented” condition and, really, deep inside, a nice and gentle and lovable person. At the healthier end of the spectrum of denial reactions we find the classical denial of loss – the disbelief, the hope that the narcissist may return, the suspension and repression of all information to the contrary.
Denial in mentally healthy people quickly evolves into rage. There are a few types of rage. Rage can be focussed and directed at the narcissist, at other facilitators of the loss, such as the narcissist’s lover, or at specific circumstances. It can be directed at oneself – which often leads to depression, suicidal ideation, self-mutilation and, in some cases, suicide.
Rage gives place to sadness. It is the sadness of the trapped animal, an existential angst mixed with acute depression. It involves dysphoria (inability to rejoice, to be optimistic, or expectant) and anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure or to find meaning in life). It is a paralysing sensation, which slows one down and enshrouds everything in the grey veil of randomness. It all looks meaningless and empty.
This, in turn, gives place to gradual acceptance, renewed energy, and bouts of activity. The narcissist is gone both physically and mentally. The void left in his wake still hurts and pangs of regret and hope still exist. But, on the whole, the narcissist is transformed into a narrative, a symbol, another life experience, or a (tedious) cliché. He is no longer omni-present and his former victim entertains no delusions as to the one-sided and abusive nature of the relationship or as to the possibility and desirability of its renewal.
Ava Hsieh
„At first, the narcissist is too good to be true. Then, he is too true to be good.” spot on
Jennie Hettrick
I couldn’t decide if my, now ex, was just paranoid, pathological liar, delusional, scared or just raging anger with logical shut downs. Then I thought ‘what if it’s all of these things?’ Any confrontation brought out anger, lies and paranoia. To the point he would change his personality in public but the second he was alone with me… he was there. Staring at me with anger like I caused all bad things in his world. Never been around someone so hostile, blaming and always the victim.
P S
This video is spot on. The sensation or experience of my past 7 months (since I left my X) has been like „slowly waking up” from a dream (I think I started waking up about 2 years ago but I didn’t leave until 7 months ago) . I’m probably back to some sort of anger phase and I am looking forward to (and hope I get to) a point when my X:s existence is a memory and that’s it.
Susan Talebzadeh
I have so much compassion for you! I left 10 months ago and will never look back…work on the anger…as you release it you will really move forward on your healing journey…check out vibrational emotional energy and you will start to see yourself move up the vibrational scale as you heal your anger
PolubieniePolubienie
Push Narcissist’s 4 Secret Buttons (Starts 07:50): “Gamma Man” or Agent of Chaos, Madness?
Prof. Sam Vaknin
156,025 views Mar 15, 2021 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
(Starts 07:50) Narcissist’s 4 Secret Buttons: 1. Precocious Child (prodigy); 2. Conquering Hero (superman); 3. Father Guru; and 4. Divinity (Old/New Testament).
Narcissists are agents of chaos and madness because they force you to think and reflect. Schizoid cerebral narcissists are “gamma men” (a useful metaphor, but with no clinical validity).
Ignix Edax
„He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby becomes a monster, and if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good, and Evil
Lee Boriack
The narcissist creates chaos in order to feel at peace with themselves. Your serenity makes the narcissist inferior, you in narcicistic chaos makes the narcissist feel in control and happy.
FreeNow
My 8 year old son said “there’s no more chaos “ after his father was gone from the house. It was torture when he was here! Random behaviours. Abuse. Stress. Gaslighting.
The Outside Music
The biggest danger of being involved in a relationship with a narc,is that you start thinking and behaving like a narcissist aswell. Like narcs become narcs after being dismissed by someone.. so do you. Protect yourself from staying in a vicious cicle. Be with people who make you feel respected and strong…
ChaoYun
Like Sam said, this thing we are dealing with is much, much more contagious than the Rona lol
Christal Whetstine
At the same time, letting your own narc traits come to the forefront is the only way you can get free of them so you have to become a narc to a point or be completely swallowed.
Caleb Contreras
The difference is you have control and a choice. You can choose to hurt people and to love people. All the pain and chaos they cause is a reflex they can’t help to destroy their lives and everyone in it.
Nawas Pj
This was one oof the most disturbing parts of being in a narc family. If you didn’t think like them or agree with hem, they would physically or financially harm me.
Magical Thinking in Personality Disorders and Conspiracy Theorists
Prof. Sam Vaknin
35,695 views Jul 24, 2020 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
Magical thinking: I think=I do/I prevent=It is (Illusory Beliefs Inventory – IBI).
Confusion of internal and external (external objects, events, and processes affected by cognitions, emotions, and moods).
Defective theory of mind (Piaget’s egocentricity in preoperational phase of development) and Theory of World (causation)
Form of infantile grandiosity coupled with autoplastic defenses common in neurosis. Comorbid with OCD (regain control) but not with worry or anxiety (which are more closely correlated with intolerance of uncertainty and perfectionism).
Examples of Magical Thinking:
Narcissist: action at a distance, omnipresence
Borderline: object inconstancy, dissociation (undo, rewind), disinhibited lack of impulse control
Psychopath: omnipotence, control (via intimidation and disinhibited lack of impulse control)
Conspiracism
Additional Reading: Piaget, Bettelheim, Rozin, Nemeroff, Eugene Subbotsky
M Bene
What a great way of explaining „magical thinking” and the narcissist! I was having such a difficult time understanding why my ex (who I have realized is a narcissist) would get so angry with me for having differing views than his, or for not reading his mind and doing what he wanted me to do when he wanted it. It seemed like he really believed his lies, which made it difficult for me to believe that he was purposefully gas-lighting me. He also couldn’t decipher between the continuity of events in our relationship, or cause and effect, so he would constantly be fixated on something that upset him at an earlier time, even though we had seemingly happily moved forward. It didn’t feel intentional on his part. It felt like there was an inability in his mind to process emotional experiences like most people do. He would break down in tears, because things didn’t work out the way „they were supposed to”. He acted delusional, so much so that I started thinking he was bi-polar. I couldn’t believe that he was mentally capable of holding the job he did. He’s a surgeon. (Talk about God complex!) This was before I learned more about narcissism.
Cartwright Worm
This video is just what I’ve been looking for. I knew that my insanely Christian former in-laws had some kind of pathology. I’m glad to have heard this from an expert.
Gabrielle Townsend
Thank goodness for your educational videos which are the real truth and nothing but the truth. You deserve an award 🥇 for your excellence ❗️❗️🙏
Pavla
I had always noticed that the narcissists in the family – and there are many – are delusional thinkers . My covert narc husband tried to ensnare me in his magical thinking years ago . It took me some time to realize what was going on . Recognizing and rejecting his manipulations on the spot seem to be the most effective way to deal with them . He always looks shocked and hurt when I reject his crazy thinking – usually involving me performing some task of course – and won’t mention it again . He has always liked to think that things without a convenient explanation happen as if ‚by magic’ and he is satisfied with this explanation .
Mercury Universe
This video undoes a lot of damage Dr. Wayne Dyer has done. He promoted magical thinking and was called the grandfather of modern psychology.
Prof. Sam Vaknin
To undo the damage that these creepy con artists do to this very day, 100,000,000 people need to watch my video. These “coaches”, “psychologists”, and “intellectuals” have ruined entire generations with their psychopathic narcissism aimed at brain dead losers – and at their money,
Prof. Sam Vaknin
No respectable and responsible psychologist would consider Dyer or his ilk the grandfather of anything, let alone modern psychology. No one teaches anything he has ever spewed out in any academic institution that I am aware of. At least Jordan Peterson did make a few minor contributions to mainstream modern psychology!
Jill Lowry
I’ve always said that the phrase „you can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it ” is one of the biggest lies ever told. People think I’m negative but I’m not, I’m realistic. Can someone with an 80 IQ be a surgeon if they put their mind to it? Of course not.
PolubieniePolubienie
How Narcissist Steals Your Unconscious, Lures YOU into His Nightmare World
Prof. Sam Vaknin
64,028 views Feb 2, 2022 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The narcissist induces in you a dream state by entraining you, takes over your unconscious, mirrors you as loving mother would, inserts himself as an intractable introject in your mind.
When you cry for help, no one gives it because the narcissist is nobody and „nobody is killing you” (like in the story of Ulysses and the Cyclops).
Lindsay OMama
Brilliantly put, Sam: „Outsource your identity to me, because I’ve taken your authentic original identity, and trampled it underfoot.”
F3
Wonderland really is a nightmarish world. Where things don’t make sense, you start doubting yourself, up is down and so on. And the characters in it are dismissive and speaking in riddles, confusing you even more, or are downright hostile. It truly is a great analogy for a relationship with someone with npd or aspd.
You left us in suspense though, Sam! How do we reset our system and come back to normal?
Zombie Narcissist: Deficient Narcissistic Supply
Prof. Sam Vaknin
91,223 views Aug 28, 2012 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: https://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html
When deprived of Narcissistic Supply — both primary AND secondary — the narcissist feels annulled, hollowed out, or mentally disembowelled. This is an overpowering sense of evaporation, disintegration into molecules of terrified anguish, helplessly and inexorably.
Without Narcissistic Supply — the narcissist crumbles, like the zombies or the vampires one sees in horror movies. It is terrifying and the narcissist will do anything to avoid it. Think about the narcissist as a drug addict. His withdrawal symptoms are identical: delusions, physiological effects, irritability, and emotional lability.
In the absence of regular Narcissistic Supply, narcissists often experience brief, decompensatory psychotic episodes. This also happens while in therapy or following a life-crisis accompanied by a major narcissistic injury.
George Boyas
Lots of people like this in church. The leaders have NPD and the congregation is the supply.
Cherrybubbles Haynes
Isn’t this normal in case of low self esteem (which I know most narcs have) To feel devastated /depressed when you don’t get much attention from people ?
Prof. Sam Vaknin
Narcissists and Mood Disorders
https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5067
Linvi_🖤Thee-black-pearl🖤
Normal people don’t collapse from lack of attention, that is death to a narcissist.
Narcissist’s Routines
Prof. Sam Vaknin
453,374 views Apr 26, 2011 Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist
The behaviour of the narcissist is regulated by a series of routines developed by rote learning and by repetitive patterns of experience. The narcissist finds change extremely distasteful and unsettling. He is a creature of habit. The function of these routines is to reduce his anxiety by transforming a hostile and arbitrary world into a hospitable and manageable one.
Granted, many narcissists are unstable – they often change jobs, apartments, spouses, and vocations. But even these changes are predictable. The narcissistic personality is disorganized – but also rigid. The narcissist finds solace in certainty, in recurrence, in the familiar and the anticipated. It balances his inner precariousness and volatility.
Narcissists often strike their interlocutors as „machine-like”, „artificial”, „fake”, „forced”, „insincere”, or „spurious”. This is because even the narcissist’s ostensibly spontaneous behaviours are either planned or automatic. The narcissist is continuously preoccupied with his Narcissistic Supply – how to secure its sources and the next dose. This preoccupation restricts the narcissist’s attention span. As a result, he often appears to be aloof, absent-minded, and uninterested in other people, in events around him, and in abstract ideas – unless, of course, they have a direct bearing on his Narcissistic Supply.
The narcissist develops some of his routines to compensate for his inability to attend to his environment. Automatic reactions require much less investment of mental resources (think driving).
Fireheart Lightning
Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets :
– Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
– When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
– Everything is always your fault, even when it’s obviously not.
– They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they’re always right.
– Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
– They accuse you of what they’re doing to you (RED FLAG!), it’s called Projection.
– Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
– They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they’re very convincing).
– They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
– Poison your favorite activities, they don’t want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don’t teach you anything.
– Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don’t get help.
– When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
– Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
– They pretend to be „victims”, and they blame the target for their own behavior.
– They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
– They think they are models to be followed.
– They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
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